blackcat - poor you hugs
Please dont give up on trying to get some medication. I now know i had PND - in fact my HV told me i was clinically depressed after doing some questionaire, then basically left me to fester. Two years later, following serious meltdowns and the nigh on break up of my marriage, i got help. I found my HV totally useless, her only advice to me - eat regularly as low blood sugar will only make things worse, never mind that i had gall stones and if i ate anything i would be in total agony!!
You cannot do this on your own - i'm sorry this is blunt but i can see history repeating itself here. Dont be left to flounder. If your medical condition was playing up, you would make sure you were attended to. This is simply another medical condition, an illness. After what you describe as a shit time, im hardly surprised you need some help.
Like you i was dubious about ADs and indredulous that the doc even suggested them. i posted loads of threads on here about ending my relationship - i've been through two years of hell, i could have got help TWO YEARS AGO it makes me want to weep.
ADs are not a miracle cure, yes you are right, to a certain extent they mask the issue. But what if the issue is simply medical - you feel like you do because you are physically unwell and little wonder. I take citalopram, which is a SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) and they just help the body replenish its supply of seratonin. It just takes the awful edge off of things, and if there are issues, it clears the fog so you can deal with them. Im still waiting for counselling, if i didnt have the ADs to support me in the mean time, i honestly dread to think what would have happened, i mean, i was behaving irrationally to say the least, its frightening, looking back - coudlnt see it then.
Please see someone, you dont have to see your own doctor, anyone, a nurse at the clinic (that is how i got an appointment made for me the very next day - i landed myself in the middle of the treatment room, and cried until someone saw me - the nurse was lovely and confirmed to me what i already knew, i needed help - FAST).
You should be enjoying your baby, you deserve to enjoy your baby - you dont have to fight this alone, we are here, use the meds (if you feel you can and they are appropriate for you that is) there is no shame in needing help from time to time.
My DP was worried re the meds, he asked the doctor if i could get better without them, she said its not impossible but it will be tough, i knew our relationship wouldnt stand it. After a week of tablets my dp said it was like having the old me back. And like she said, you don't expect medical problems to just go away by themselves, so why expect depression to do it.