Daughter is affecting my MH

[Paintypot]

This isn't an easy thing to admit, but my 7 year old daughter is really impacting on my mental health. She is beautiful inside and out, but is incessant. She tells odd stories that go on and on and on, which really sends my anxiety sky-rocketing as I become overwhelmed. She has other siblings so I can not give her my full attention, which she appears to want constantly. I've tried offering more physical touch in a bid to turn off the need for constant communication and noise but it doesn't work. Over half term, she spent 2 full days with me without her siblings and although we had a lovely time, her behaviour was worse when we got home as she seemed to want my attention even more. It is becoming quite distressing for me and I find myself shutting myself in a room upstairs for 10 minutes (before she realises and comes to find me). Meal times she will tell a story that will last the entirety of the meal, with requests to close the story and allow others to speak. She continues and if anyone talks over her, begins talking more loudly and cries. She genuinely thinks that all attention should be constantly on her and it's draining.
This morning, I walked into the room after getting myself ready and she immediately tell-taled on her sibling, told me a story about how she had touched the curtain with crumbs on her hands but didn't think any crumbs had gone on the curtain and asked me how many seconds there were in 600 minutes.
This is all whilst her sibling is stood in a pool of wee on the floor (which she can see for herself).
I find myself tensing up at all the noise, requests and constant stories. I have 2 children who misbehave so much more than she does, but I find her behaviour far more difficult to deal with as she is constant.
I've spoken to her this morning about not telling "silly stories" (the curtain) and to not bombard me with chatter when I've just walked in a room. She seemed very upset and said "but mummy I just like talking to you."
I feel so guilty.
I am not enjoying her company at all (apart from when it's just me and her and we're out of the house) but I can't keep doing this.
My anxiety is awful when she's at home with me and I feel relieved when she's at school or I'm at work. I can't think about anything at all when she's around. It's difficult as she's always so happy and full of energy, but the stress for me, is enormous.

It does sound very wearing, especially if there are other children needing you as well
If she has no additional needs then I think she is old enough to learn that life is not all about her.
Personally I’d be starting to be very firm with her. Set clear expectations about when she can tell her stories or ask her questions and when she needs to be listening to others or just being quiet.
Does she do this at school? I’d be very surprised if her teachers allow this behaviour. If not then she does know how to behave. She does know how to be quiet, you just need to enforce it.
The monopolising of the dinner table has to stop. You listen for a reasonable time then, give her a chance to finish her story, then give someone else a turn. If she acts up she gets ignored, if she’s being disruptive she gets removed.
It’s fine to tell her that you need some quiet time. I do this with my 7 yr old. Tell her you need 20 minutes on your own and then go and do something else. Ignore all pleas and plays for attention until you’ve had a period with no talking.
It does sound like she’s doing it to gain attention (do her siblings play up at get your attention that way?) but it also sounds like she is getting a lot of you time as it is.
Continue with the affection and praise the good. Try and catch her being quiet and sensible and give her kisses for that.

Amazingly, at school, she is a model student. Her teacher says she's a pleasure and very hardworking. She never has to speak to her at all for behaviour.
So she clearly has an off switch.
Her siblings (both younger) will misbehave for attention sometimes, but it's more obvious, like trying to pull the TV off the wall! So it's easier to discipline and reinforce positive behaviour.
Her behaviour is wrapped in pleasantries, which makes it much more difficult to address.
We do try "no talking" rules, but she will always break them or find something "very important" to tell us.
I think perhaps the way she talks is an issue, as she doesn't stop for a breath and uses fillers like "er er er er erm" constantly. It's really overwhelming.
It does get commented on by others too. Her Grandfather finds it very waring.

If she can do it at school she can do it at home.
Set boundaries for this and stick with it.
Talking over others and stropping when you’re asked to stop are not ‘pleasant’ behaviours.
At the end of the day it’s having a negative impact on you and your relationship with her (and her grandfather) so you need to teach her to communicate better in a more positive way.
What are the consequences of breaking the rules?
The only good reasons for talking when you’ve asked her to give you quiet time are if she is sick, injured or someone else is in danger, sick or injured..... The ummming and erring will improve as she gets older and better at communicating- her brain is working too fats for her mouth. All the more reason to encourage her to think thru what she wants to tell you first.
How’s her writing? Could she start writing down stuff to talk about later?
She is old enough to start understanding that you need some time and space by yourself.

Well she's winning, isn't she? Please don't feel guilty at all about introducing firm and fair rules to stop her monopolising family life. In fact, you owe it to her. She should not have so much power and her siblings sound like they are having to take a back seat. Problem is if she grows up insisting on this level of undivided attention from those close to her, a pattern of behaviour will become ingrained. Right now, she's a child, and as her Mum you need to show her what is acceptable behaviour in the family. You are doing her a massive favour because if she grows up unchallenged...this becomes a huge problem. My DD behaves like this age 78, and it's absolute hell for everyone around him. His Mother didn't enforce fair rules for him and indulged his demanding nature when he was a child. I wish you strength and every good wish. I'm sure she will raise hell for a while when you insist on fairness in family communication but remember, it's more unfair to her not to teach her how to behave.

Sorry OP - DF, not DD!

I think you need to enforce rules and boundaries as well.

Meal times she will tell a story that will last the entirety of the meal, with requests to close the story and allow others to speak. She continues and if anyone talks over her, begins talking more loudly and cries.

This is just not acceptable. The world doesnt5 revolve around her and she needs to learn that. Tell her it's time for other to speak, and if she kicks off or refuses to stop stalking, off to her room for a time out. Every single time. Come up with other appropriate consequences, too. She can't be allowed to monopolize everyone's attention like this.

@Aquamarine1029 I completely agree with you
OP I think because your DD is polite or charming while pulverising the conversation you are not enforcing discipline the way you would when the others try pulling a TV off the wall, for example. But you should ignore the pleas and charm (her controlling the situation) and don't engage. Straight to time out.

One of my kids was (and still is) like this. It drove me half demented. I'm not proud of the times I had to almost yell "please will you just stop talking for a while! It's doing my head in!"

I gave her a nice journal and told her if she has important things on her mind to write them down.

She is now a grown adult and I still have to take a deep breath when she goes into one of her massive long explanations about something that I have absolutely no interest in.

I feel for you.

I could have wrote your post op. I have a dd age 7 who is exactly as you describe. It is abs exhausting and you cannot think straight. We took the children furniture shopping last week as we needed to both go (me and dh) to choose and I actually hid and cried at the end because we couldn't concentrate and ended up leaving because of her relentless talking and noise.
I often feel sorry for my younger child who does not get a look in.

My dd7 is in the pathway for an autism assessment as there are other issues but this is one of our major red flags.
She is a star pupil at school and actually shy and quiet. She masks well.

The only solution I have found is to really listen to her fur a bit, eye contact and all, repeatinh what age has said and acknowledging her then firmly say now be quiet. Seems harsh and I do get a few odd looks from strangers if we are our but the only way is to be firm and teach her it's not OK to constantly talk at people. It's a long process and she still does it but we just have to keep reminding her frequently. After the furniture shop experience I say her down and explained that talking and asking questions constantly is not OK and stops people wanting to spend time with her.
We just have to teach her appropriate social skills and this is one of them.

She has the cheek to tell people to shut up saying there noise annoys her

Sorry for the typos hopefully it still makes sense.
I was typing with my toddler jumping on me

I hear you OP. I have a similar eldest child who is wonderful, and also doesn't ever stop demanding my full attention. I also hide in the bathroom.

She is not allowed to dominate the conversation at the dinner table. The dinner table is for eating and everyone chatting together. Similarly she is chastised for talking over me whilst I am very clearly doing something that needs my full attention (cooking food/changing nappies/trying to leave the house etc)

I feel very guilty about it. But I cant give her 100% of my attention 100% of the time, which is what she wants

I hear you @NationalShiteYear
I often feel very guilty too.
Particularly when she says "but I haven't finished my story yet."
She often doesn't stop to take a breath when she's talking and when I ask her to slow down, she will say that she can't because I might day that she's been talking too long! 🥴