Running a trigger?

[Poi123]

I’ve tried to find answers to the following conundrum on the internet and from medical professionals - no joy. I’m not a mum (long story) but this seems like a place where you can get opinions from people of all professions and life experiences...

I used to be a runner. The last time I ran successfully was in... maybe 2016. Then I had what I think was a breakdown. But this is my word for it. My dad died, my partner left me. It was not a fun time. I had ‘help’ only none of it was helpful. Very interrogative psychotherapy... endless meetings that didn’t seem to lead anywhere or to anything. Go my local partnership trust!!!!

Occasionally I try to run. If I’ve been too stagnant for too long or if I get suddenly inspired to go on a health kick. I get the same outcome every time even though I always hope for different.

It leaves me in pieces. Tired, grumpy... well that’s the next day, but the day of I am WIRED. I’ll send everyone a lot of texts and research a lot of things... sometimes I lie awake but last night I got to sleep just after midnight, but woke up feeling awful.

Absolutely - I need to remember this and stop doing it. But does anyone understand why this is, because I don’t, and I’d like to.

Trauma release? I dunno.

Thanks in advance, for your opinions, thoughts and sharing.

It will be the endorphin high.

Google happy brain chemicals and you will find posters explaining the different roles of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphin.

After trauma the body releases oxytocin to help us cope. It makes us want to reach out to others (same chemical is produced in intimate relationships for example), its what makes us ask 'has anyone else experienced similar' etc. This might be happening after your run.

My pseudo scientific opinion anyway!

Um... I’m not sure. It’s not a positive experience I’m having. It’s a bit like being shaken and then left bruised. I’m way less inclined in the aftermath to talk to anyone. Feel moody and depressed :/ Definitely desperation that brought me here.

Every article you can find only talks about the positives of running.

Bipolar spectrum people can be sensitive to exercise due to the swift chemical changes (I am anyway). Sometimes I hate it because of that but I do it anyway for the health benefits. I’m not diagnosing you with anything but I’m sharing my negative experience of running from a bipolar perspective.

I think running has an adverse affect on my mental health, I spent the winter of 2017/18 training for a half marathon which by the time I got to run it left me in a dreadful state. I was having such negative dark thoughts about my seemingly happy life as I ran the course and ended up going into quite a few weeks of anxiety and depression after. I think there were a few things at play to be honest, but the psychological pressure and maybe physical inflammation of all the running had quite a negative effect. Now I try to go for gently jogs (currently doing couch 2 5K) which isn't about long distances or huge endorphin highs, it's just about getting my heart rate going and moving a bit which seems to work much better for me.