Struggling with pnd; crying in bed as I type

[Cherryrainbow]

My 3 week old baby is asleep and I'm currently under the bed covers crying. I started fluoxetine yesterday.
Im really struggling and feel like I have a black hole on my chest im anxious about everything. Im terrified of covid. I feel like an awful mum. I feel like something wrong or bad is going to happen. I worry my 7 year old is feeling pushed out. I think my OH is annoyed and fed up of my pnd already. I can't relax at all. My oh took the baby out for 2 hours the other day to give me a break and I felt even worse, couldn't relax at all.
I live in Wales so are going on a firebreak for 2 weeks. I dont know how on earth im going to cope with the baby and 7 year old and everything else going on.
At the moment I feel like a robot. I do the stuff I had to do - feed, change, clean etc and the baby normally has a good sleep from 11pm so I always clockwatch thinking if I can make it to 11pm ive done another day.
It feels like this won't ever end and I dont know what to do to cope with everything that's going on.

Can you call your Health Visitor and ask her to refer you to the perinatal mental health team or the Parent Infant Mental health team (not everywhere has one of these but I know that Gwent does at least)

Also if you have the time/energy to read I found the compassionate mind approach to postnatal depression really helpful

www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Approach-Postnatal-Depression/dp/1780330855/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

also if I was you i would ask someone to come and support you even though the firebreak is happening

Talk to your OH about how he is feeling because you may well be catastrophising

mostly be gentle with yourself, don't feel bad about feeling bad. Eat when you can, try and sleep when you can

Oh sweetheart, it will improve, I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Talk to your partner about how you're feeling. Talk to friends and family, find someone you trust and talk, it makes it so much better. Your meds will kick in soon and the time ahead will look brighter. You've done the right thing in getting help. Be kind to yourself

Hopefully the tablets will kick in soon and give you some relief.
I'm in South Wales so I know how u feel about the lockdown :(

You're ok. You really are. It's ok to cry, feel overwhelmed, spend every day waiting for bed time, take antidepressants, whatever you need to do is ok. We live in weird times and all your fears are completely normal plus you are adjusting to life with a little baby. Go very easy on yourself, let a lot of stuff go, just focus on what you need to do to look after yourself and your kids. Take this firebreak time as a kind of extended maternity cocoon, watch films, chill out, eat whatever you like.

It's OK to feel like a robot for a bit. I think anyone giving birth at moment deserves a medal as it must be one of the most difficult times to do it in (so isolating without baby groups). Your 7 year old will be grand - they have a buddy for life, that's wonderful plus it is good to learn art of sharing.

Cosmic yoga on YouTube is relaxing and your 7 year old might enjoy it.

Pinterest app has some good tips for reducing anxiety.

It's easier said that done but try not to entertain the anxious thoughts. 'I'm doing better than I think', 'I'll look back on this and realise I was a hero' mantras to drown out the anxious thoughts.

So sorry you're feeling like this PND is so hard but you've done amazingly well to reach out for support. When I started taking meds for PND the first few days were very tough and I felt the same as you with a huge anxiety in my chest and I just used to tick the days off like you are - but then things started to feel better for me, each day I found myself being able to smile again at something. You're not alone in how you're feeling. Are you keeping in touch with your GP? I found a supportive GP really helpful to chat to and they referred me to other local support for PND. I know some people found health visitor supportive too xx