Really struggling, stuck in a rut

[helpmeout738]

Hiya,

I'm 23 and I am really really struggling with everything at the moment. I know the pandemic has been hard on everyone and I feel silly for struggling but I really am.

First of all, I split up with my long term boyfriend of 5 years in August. Since then I've had to move out of our flat and back in with my parents and siblings which is difficult, suffocating and just really unprivate. It's great in some ways but I feel so low about it.
I love my actual job itself but I work for a small company where I have teammates but we don't work together. We get distributed to different bases every day so I work on my own pretty much all day. It's so lonely, slow and boring. I'm finding myself doing the absolute bare minimum just to get through it.

I constantly feel sick every single day and I can't shake the feeling. I'm so unhappy and unsatisfied. I feel pressure about my job because they say there's no one applying in my area and they'd basically be stuffed / could go bust without me.
I also for some reason had a sick day last week because I'd had enough, and my head is so all over the place that I just tried to cover it up and say I went in (I was only going in for 2 hours that day anyway). Safe to say they found out and now they 'dont trust me' and I'm 'under review'.

Everything is just so so overwhelming at the moment. I'm finding myself sleeping my spare time away. I also don't have many friends in my immediate area and a lot of them have gone into tier 2 lockdown too.

The only thing I want to do is travel the world, and I can't even do that at the moment. I feel like a complete lost cause at the moment :(

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You've had much to deal with on a personal level over the past months and all in the middle of a worldwide crisis. Not being able to make any plans and therefore not having any of the usual things we as people look forward to (meeting friends, travel etc) is really hard. I think it does feel to many (myself included) that life is 'on hold', all the fun stuff that helps you get through the other crap has been cancelled and the future is uncertain.

If you're feeling sick every day,, it sounds like you are suffering from a degree of anxiety and it might be worth you speaking to a GP.

Can you apologise to work and explain that you have been feeling overwhelmed due to current circumstances and made an error of judgement in not telling them you need some time out. From what you say about local hiring it sounds like they really need you which is a positive.

Have you spoken to your family about how you are feeling? It's good that you have people around you right now even if it does feel a bit much sometimes.