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Original poster

Horrible DH in pregnancy

14 replies

turtle23 · 13/10/2007 15:53

Am I asking too much for DH to be supportive? I was on AD's when I got pregnant, came straight off them and have been sort of ok. My husband refuses to treat me differetly now that I'm pregnant (17 weeks) and just snaps that I'm miserable and horrible. I am not getting enough sleep as we live in a flat and he refuses to go to bed at a normal hour so even if I go to bed I can hear him as he makes no effort to be quiet. I have to get up at 630 to go to work (11 hour day as a nanny) and I'm cracking. Between the underlying depression, fatigue, and hormones I'm just a mess inside. He told me this morning that he just doesn't know if we're well-suited and he misses the relationship he had with his ex as they had much more in common. I'm miserable. Somebody talk to me and tell me I'm not mad?!

OP posts:
turquoisenights · 13/10/2007 17:38

of course you are not mad turtle23.
he doesnt sound nice to me.
he should care about you and about the child you are carrying.
you should be away from any upset, stress, tiredness, these can effect the baby.
do you have family, friends around?

Original poster
turtle23 · 14/10/2007 11:38

Don't have family around, but a few friends who sympathise. I really don't think he understands what he's doing to me. He says he just feels "got at". Am trying to ignore him and hoping that he'll come round when baby comes.

OP posts:
edam · 14/10/2007 11:42

Agree you are not mad. He is being a selfish sod. Is there any way you can get through to him that pregnancy takes an enormous toll on you physically and emotionally? Show him a baby book that talks about pregnancy?

(And in the meantime, buy some earplugs - so at least you are not suffering from sleep deprivation. Makes everything ten times worse.)

LadyHex · 14/10/2007 11:42

you need to deal with this before the baby comes, turtle, as it is very hard work looking after a newborn, and you need to work together.
speak to your midwife or GP, and perhaps access some counselling to deal with your depression.
and ask your DH to help you look into couples counselling.

Fireflyfairy2 · 14/10/2007 11:42

What kind of man tells his wife that he misses the relationship he had with his ex? She is his ex for a reason.

Can you talk to him about how you feel?

fawkeoff · 14/10/2007 11:43

he sounds like a complete prick to me hun.how dare he even say that to about his ex when you are pregnant with his child.why are you with him??? and if you think your relationship is hard now, having a baby will make it worse.

Original poster
turtle23 · 14/10/2007 15:27

He has agreed that we should go to relate. He went out for the day today and I've just had a lovely 3 hour nap. Am in much better place to talk properly tonight. Thank you for reminding me that it is tough on your body. I keep thinking I'm just being a bit pathetic.

OP posts:
3madboys · 14/10/2007 15:37

(((turtle))) thinking of you sweetie, and if you can, then give relate a go, dp and i have used them in the past and they were very helpful. xxxxxxx

FlightAttendant · 14/10/2007 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bubblepop · 14/10/2007 16:04

turtle, you are not being unreasonable to expect love and support from your partner,talk to him soon please and get it sorted. i didnt like his comments about his ex,thats awful and nasty.

Lulumama · 14/10/2007 16:05

sounds like you could do with being back on ADs, and never a good idea to come straight off them, as you can feel wobbly. see your GP and see what can be prescribed. sounds like your DH needs to understand that depression is a real illness, rather than something you can just snap out of.

FlightAttendant · 14/10/2007 16:07

She does sound really upset but I would emphasise that it is her partner with the problem - she may not need them at all, without his input

Original poster
turtle23 · 14/10/2007 16:39

It's a bit like living with Jekyll and Hyde at the moment. Today he's apologised and said he will try harder to be understanding. Had a very vague chat with his mum who said his dad was exactly the same..they're not hugely capable of sympathy, the men in his family. I feel as though we are doing the two steps forward and one step back thing and am just hoping that with a bit of help from counselling that we can stop the backwards steps. On the plus side am enjoying the first movements and caring less about his being a prick.

OP posts:
FlightAttendant · 14/10/2007 18:53

Oh that's nice to hear, Turtle...my ex always used to make more effort when his mum had a word Sadly it wasn't enough for me to believe he was committed. Go carefully now - and how wonderful to feel baby kicking

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