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Can't take this anymore 😥

6 replies

FriesianSparkle · 15/10/2020 13:24

This year has took it's toll on me 😥 i was under the crisis team in Feb/March this year due to severe depression which i have had 30 yrs, anxiety, ocd, bdd and bpd. Its crippling, than covid and lockdown struck along with the breakdown of my 4 year abusive relationship. I'm trauma bonded due to low self esteem, have many health issues along with being positive for hsv2. I was transferred to another team from crisis to take over my mental health problems as crisis team short term intervention. My anti depressants were stopped in April due to bad reactions. I've been on everything previous. I've had three phonecalls with Psychiatrist since then. Everything else fell through the net regarding Psychology appts and i was apologised to. Last week hour and half assessment by Psychology team via video link to determine what help i need. Now on long waiting list yet again. My daughter is 11 and doesn't see her dad. A teacher tested positive and was in close contact with daughter hence we are in 14 days isolation which started yesterday. My parents are nearly 80 and in a vulnerable category and i am devastated i can't see them. I hardly have any friends. And i am starting to rely on my ex for support. Wrong i know i don't need to be told that i'm just in a bad place. At 46 i feel my life is worthless. The hsv2 diagnosis has affected me bad and 2 yrs on i can't and won't ever come to terms with it. I know i need to be strong for my daughter bless her she is doing online lessons as we speak. I'm downstairs crying and she knows somethings wrong 😥 i'm been off work since Feb and due to go back next month but i work in retail, ssp has stopped and i can't get additional help. I've applied for so many jobs and lost count of rejections. My dog nearly died Feb, and the Insurance still have paid out the £1300 xmas is approaching and i'm dreading it. I set a case up with the Ombudsman yesterday but don't need the added stress. Caroline Flacks death affected me bad..sorry this is long but i'm desperate for health and my life just is full of sadness and crying. What do i do?

OP posts:
FriesianSparkle · 15/10/2020 13:26

Help #

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FriesianSparkle · 15/10/2020 13:32

Help not health lol #

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BertiesLanding · 15/10/2020 13:42

I am so sorry you're going through this, Friesian. One suggestion: many psychotherapists will offer rates on a sliding scale depending on a potential client's personal circumstances. Sometimes, some will waive their fees altogether. So I would phone around the BACP/UKCP/SAP accredited therapists in your area, and ask if they would consider seeing you at a greatly reduced rate. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

FriesianSparkle · 15/10/2020 17:49

@BertiesLanding thankyou for your kind reply x

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goodjoujou · 16/10/2020 09:10

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. Your life is not worthless-you have been strong enough to work despite living with long term depression and you are raising a daughter. Remember that your daughter, parents and dog all love and value you being in their lives.
Isolating is really difficult but the time may go quicker than you expect. Keep on applying for jobs and something will come up. I'm sorry I cant be of more help but just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone.

FriesianSparkle · 16/10/2020 10:35

@goodjoujou thankyou for your kind words. I know i can be strong because i have had to in the past. I keep fighting. But sometimes you feel you are making progress to be knocked back down again. It's hard 😥

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