Dealing with work.

[wheresmyhairytoe]

I'm currently signed off with stress and anxiety, work being a major cause of the anxiety.
I spoke to my manager before coming off about her her attitude made me feel, constant criticism and no recognition of any good stuff from her.
She basically told me I'd made her feel bad and turned it all round to be my fault.

She's messaging me asking how I am, am I feeling better etc. I've replied not really and she's sent one back asking if there's anything they can do to help.

What do I say? I've no idea what they can do? I'm on the verge of handing my notice in but don't want to make such a big decision while I'm not right mentally.

Anyone any advice please?

Hi I think I would say ‘ not at the moment thank you, I just need some space from work.’
You’re right don’t make any decisions until you’re in a better headspace.
When you go back you need to explain that you had tried to let her know what you found stressful but don’t think she heard you and you ended up feeling bad...
I hope that helps A bit but for now I would just head her off for the time being and deal with it when you’re feeling better

@wheresmyhairytoe
Hi there, I had this happen to me too. Don't feel guilty about stepping completely away from contact with her. You need to do this to get better. Just limit contact to when you absolutely have to, eg putting in another sick note. Getting better from this will take ages. Don't resign, get better then consider your options later on

I agree with the other posters. You don't need to be thinking about work or worrying about giving your manager ideas on how to help when you clearly need to be resting and focusing on feeling better. If you feel you must reply, just send a brief acknowledgment message and then put thoughts of work/your manager to one side.

Like you I am currently signed off work (I have just started on fluoxetine). May I ask if your GP has given you any medication to help?

The thing about anxiety/depression is that it makes you just want to run, run, run away from the cause of your stress and never go back. I want to resign right now too and feel sick every time I think about going back to work, but in my better moments I am thinking i may feel differently in 3 weeks when my meds kick in. I would suggest just concentrate on feeling better for now and then make the decision on whether to stay or go.

Thank you all.

I've been on Sertraline since last year and the GP has now doubled my dose. I thought (stupidly) I'd feel better by now but I don't. In fact now I'm off I seem to have crashed and feel worse.
The thought of going back makes me feel sick and yes I want to just run away. I took my sick note in at the weekend while it was empty and I had a panic attack just going in the building. None of the staff have contacted me to see how I am or to send love and I'm now convinced they all hate me and are glad I'm not there.

Dropping off your sick note must’ve been hard-I would try and keep away from your office building and surrounding area just now if possible. If you have to get another note further along can you email it?

When was your dose increased-I guess it takes several weeks to make a difference? Sorry that’s not much help I know when feeling like this. Your colleagues may feel awkward about contacting you and may think you want to be left alone. People can be weird around anxiety and depression when they haven’t experienced it themselves.

What are you doing to take you mind off things? I am watching ‘Life’ on BBC and finding it’s distracting me from constant work panic. I keep dreaming about the blasted place though!

I've only been in the Greater dose for a week.

I've messaged back what was suggested, I'm now panicking that they'll try to sack me as this will be messing up the staffing. I work in a nursery so ratios need to be adhered to. I'm also stressing that it's putting pressure on the other staff so that's why they hate me.
My head is such a horrible place right now. I'm due in a week but can't face it, what if the doctor doesn't sign me off for longer?

Due back in a week. Sorry can't even type properly.

Hi OP,

I just had to jump on here as your post could have been written by me. I'm in a very similar situation with a manager who just seems to have no bedside manner when it comes to mental health which just makes everything seem 10x harder.

I don't know what to advise but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this and thank you for posting as I will be following this thread for advice now myself.

Take care

Maybe look at it like this-if one of your colleagues was off sick what would you think? You might say oh this is a bit annoying as I’m having to do some extra work but you wouldn’t hate them or blame them. You would most likely just feel sorry for them. Also they can’t sack you for being unwell for a few weeks. Do you have a sickness clause in your contract?

When we are in a bad place like this we tend to overthink everything and assume everyone is thinking the worst of us when they may just be busy or don’t know what to do or say.

If you need some extra time to get better tell your GP how important it is. I’m sure they won’t want to send you back to work when you are in a bad way as that won’t help you or your employer.

I can’t advise really as I’m in the same situation. Manager has been promoted beyond her level of experience and has been really difficult with me over mental health issues and childcare (even though on paper I’m doing fine).
I can really empathise with feeling worse at first, that maybe the medication too so hang in there. I asked work to only communicate via email and I felt my manager trying to be my friend was muddying the waters and leaving me unable to address their problematic behaviour.

You need to ring ACAS or your union. If you have a HR then you need to speak to them. The problem isn't going to go away by the sounds of it without intervention from HR or senior management.