I just cannot stand it any more.
She has been here today ranting on about her sister (you may have read my other rants) and wanting me to phone her on the pretence of getting her to go to my mothers house so that my mum can have it out with her over things she thinks her sister has stolen from her house (it is perfectly feasable but impossible to prove, we are talking things like second hand duvet covers and curtains, not valuables, which is why it was not great surprise when the police didnt want to know). A perfectly reasonable request you would think? Well not when i know it could turn violent and i have just had enough of it all. Every morning more or less the phone goes at 8 am or even earlier and she is going on and on about something or other. I cannot reason with her. So now she has made me feel really guilty and shit for not doing this, but i know it would have been the wrong thing to do, and i just do not want to get involved. How can i do something that could lead to an 80 year old woman being hurt? i have no time for my mums sister, she is not a nice person but that is not the point, i just couldnt be involved in that.
I tried to tell my mum today, ive got enough on my plate, i just can't deal with this. I HAVE got enough on my plate, i have PND, i have a relationship that is hanging on by a thread and we have financial worries. My mum has her problems too, my father died two years ago and she is not over that.
So, why can't i be more sympathetic i can hear you all thinking, why? because i have put up with all of this shit from my mother for more years than i care to remember, family fueds, fueds with neighbours, completely unreasonable behaviour. My mum has helped me a lot, financially and practically and i am so grateful for that and i will do anything to help her out, but i have had ENOUGH i just dont have the answers, i mean, why WHY would a perfectly solvent woman want to into my mums house and swap ok stuff for stuff from jumble sales etc. The root of the problem im afraid is jealousy, the fact that my aunt has inherited a substancial amount of money - more than she could spend in her lifetime and i think my mum is jealous. I had a small part time job at the vets, it kept my brain active, but she let me down on childcare yesterday and due to illness, iether with her, dd or myself ive had to let them down lots of times, so i rang them and said i had to quit and i could tell that i had saved them from sacking me. So right now, i just don't need this, i can just about manage to keep my head together at the best of times and now this AGAIN. I just wish i could move away and wash my hands of it, but its not that simple, i am an only child and she has alienated her entire family so its only me to look after her. Her health is poor and she is going to need care at some point, probably not for a few years yet, but im dreading it, she is sooo abusive that i know that no external care agency or home will take her on and if i have to have her with me i know that my DP will leave, he just wouldnt be able to stand it. I'm not sure if our relationship is going to get through my depression to be honest, he has simply had enough, he says it is like living with a nutter, but i try so hard to keep things to myself, i dont tell him any of it now - normally i would have been on the phone to him now about my mum, but i know that it will end up in a row between us if i do, so i have to bottle it all up, this is my only outlet.
So, she walked out of my house because i wouldnt phone her and said she is going to go up there and beat the truth out of her, i mean, FFS, she is 73 years old and her sister is 80. This reads like something out of jerry springer i know and all of his disfunctional families, perhaps thats what this is, i have a PhD, its like a distant memory, the focused, assertive, cheerful happy person that i was, i had ambition, now im happy if i can get to the end of the day without losing it.