No motivation

[jd88124]

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice/ tips on how to get motivated. To give you some perspective I am on anti depressants and at a fairly high dose of them. Two years ago my husband left me totally out of the blue and I've struggled to find happiness since then. I have a good job, my own house and a beautiful daughter. I have friends and family nearby but I just can't seem to meet a man who compares to my husband. I still think I am in love with him and there's no chance of us getting back together, he fell out of love with me...there was no other woman etc. Now I just feel like lying in bed all the time, I've gained weight and don't feel like making an effort to date etc. Life just seems like too much effort. I know I should probably force myself to get up and do things but it just fees too much. I'm on holiday at the moment but due back to work this week. I'm hoping that will give me the kick up the bum I need. Any advice would be great.

Anyone?

I think its about getting your confidence back and loving yourself first. Without spending a fortune you could make some small steps- healthy eating, finding ways to exercise that you enjoy, rekindling a hobby or two then when you feel ready dip your toes into some social activities. Finding buddies and external motivation is really helpful. Its shallow but I post my healthy meals on instagram and about five friends like my pictures. It makes me feel proud and good that I am maybe encouraging or motivating others to eat well. I also set small goals and am working towards them. Basically the only wrong thing to do is nothing and go back to ignoring how you feel as then you stagnate and let things fester and get worse. I really need to take this last piece of advice as I am currently ignoring a problem!!! Now going to address it thank you

Can you list why you think you need a man in your life to feel happy? It's a dangerous place to start from. I think you need to work through those feelings/assumptions and start thinking of a future partner as a bonus, rather than essential. Once you get your head around knowing that you are enough, you are in a good place to start dating men just for the sake of some adult company and intimacy. If you date now, you are an unfulfilled vessel likely to attract the wrong types and repel the right ones.
Decide what things give you joy and try to do more of them. It's hard when you feel so down, but try to add a small one each day. Also, check you are taking all the right vitamins and minerals. Low Vitamin D for example, can really affect mood.

Thanks for the replies. I wish I had time for a hobby but working full time and having an 8 year old takes up most of my time. I guess I think that I need a man to complete me as don't want to spend my life alone as I'm still young and have so much to give. I had it all then it was taken away. All my friends say itl come when I'm not looking but I find that hard to believe!

A lot of women of all ages feel they would like someone to spend their life with. I'm not sure the prospect of 'ending up alone' if it is not what you want is any less daunting when you are 30, 40 or 50.

There is Gingerbread which is a network for single parents. If you like animals getting a dog is a great way to interact with others.

If you carry on feeling low have you thought about therapy or CBT or antidepressants for a while which can kickstart change.

Best of luck to you.