Fed up of wearing a mask, literally and metaphorically (Vent, Anxiety, Panic, OCD, Covid, Anger)

[SwampyArmpits]

I'm not normally quite so full of rage, but was already in a foul mood today and this has tipped me over the edge. Have nowhere else to vent, hope here's ok.

My weekly shopping delivery just arrived earlier than scheduled, and it's thrown me into a tailspin. I wasn't prepared, not masked up, not gloved up, when the driver knocked. I asked him to hold on for a couple of minutes while I fumbled to open a new pack of gloves and put a mask on upside down(!) with unwashed hands, all while he kept knocking incessantly and peering through my window, making me panic even more. When I finally opened the door, he was stood there with no mask or gloves on (Why would he bother? We're only in the middle of an escalating pandemic 🙄). I wanted to scream bloody murder, but instead I just smiled at him through my surgical mask - and my emotional one - while rushing to get my shopping in and trying not to breathe too deeply 😒

My Asda delivery drivers have been really good at staying back. Could you not have asked the driver to step back? Why the need for gloves and a mask?

@ReeseWitherfork In fairness, he did keep a distance while I was unloading my shopping, but that was of little comfort to my already-stressed and panic-stricken OCD brain. I have contamination OCD, which is a barrel of laughs on the best of days outside of a pandemic, so I feel compelled to wear gloves and a mask whenever I'm in the company of others at the moment.

Vent away if you need to, definitely.

However I think you probably know (maybe you don’t?) that your expectations of the delivery driver were unreasonable. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. I’m assuming you’ve got some good coping techniques to navigate day-to-day life so I’d say take a deep breath and implement them going forward. You can’t change others behaviours but you can change your reaction to them.

If he’s not getting anywhere near you then he doesn’t need a mask. Gloves aren’t all that helpful either.
OP this sounds so awful and stressful. Have you got any coping strategies, medication etc? What does your medical professional advise?
Covid is stressful enough for a lot of people without having this particular type of OCD too.

@ReeseWitherfork I'm well aware my expectations of the driver would seem unreasonable to any mentally healthy person, or at least a person without contamination OCD, yes, which is why I was polite and said nothing. (Sorry, that sentence sounds more abrupt than I mean it to!). My mindset today just tells me I shouldn't have to feel I need to change my reaction to others' behaviour in the first place. Not healthy, I know 😫

@Wolfiefan I'm on medication for anxiety and have had CBT, periodically practice mindfulness and a few other coping strategies that escape me right now (mind still blank because of the earlier panic!) I'm still unemployed, friendless and virtually housebound due to anxiety, though, and this pandemic isn't helping 😒 Just having an exceptionally bad day today.

I’m so sorry you’re suffering so badly today. I have anxiety but not the same sort.
Could you work on the strategies a bit more? Regular mindfulness. Exercise. Are you getting out at all? Luckily I’m in a fairly rural area so can avoid most people. (I was in the shielding group.)

Thanks for the commiserations, @Wolfiefan. I'm admittedly awful at getting enough exercise. I'm dyspraxic, on top of which I generally just don't have much energy to begin with, so I find it hard to look after myself in that respect. I've been sat on my arse most of today which probably hasn't helped my mood much! I do have an exercise bike which I've been trying to use a few times a week, but beyond that, the last time I left the house was around a month ago (unfortunately don't have the luxury of living rurally, lucky you!) so the only "exercise" I get is cleaning the house(!)

@Wolfiefan Hope you're having a better day than I am, anxiety- and otherwise!

Bless you. That’s lovely of you. It’s been a bit stressful. But nothing awful. I have fibromyalgia so no cycling or gym for me. I do manage to walk the dogs each day. That’s my lot. At least you clean. I avoid it like the plague.

I'd rather walk the dogs than clean, OCD or not! Don't think my cat would approve if I tried to take him out on a leash 🤔

Better day tomorrow for both of us! 🤞

It won’t be if you try and put a cat on a leash. That I can guarantee! Walking my pair is my daily therapy.
Hoping for a fab Monday for you.