Struggling with knowledge that others didn’t make it

[tempj998]

I am just feeling so sad about suicide deaths today. A friend of a friend died just this week, she took her own life. Just saw the tribute to Caroline Flack on strictly. I have been very close to it myself in deep depression but I am ok now, I’m happy and life is going well, and I think I’m better equipped to cope if the depression comes back (I’m sure it will, I don’t believe I’m cured, it’s gone and returned many times). But I just feel so unbelievably sad about these people who have died. People who have seemingly great lives and no one would have ever known they’d die this way, and the people who it hasn’t been such a surprise. I know it’s normal to be sad about this - how could you not? But I feel I am thinking about it constantly and it’s making me unfocused and so sad and tearful - even though I am in my own life very happy. How can I cope with it?

I don’t really have any wise words, tempj, but I’m so sorry you’ve felt this way, and that your friend’s friend didn’t make it. Can you talk a bit to your friend-in-the-middle about their loss?

Maybe you’re over-identifying with them a bit (Understandably of course) ?

Would it help to remind yourself that their pain was entirely unique to them and you can’t know what it was like or what they went through?
Perhaps you’re thinking of it as a shared experience where you survived but they did not? The thing is we can never assume to know what somebody else is going through. Perhaps remembering this will help you distance yourself a little? (Though of course it’s notmal to feel a certain level of empathy) x

It is natural to feel upset and it does pass and lessen in time. It is completely normal to feel upset, but also importsnt to count blessings too.

@Againanothername

Maybe you’re over-identifying with them a bit (Understandably of course) ?

Would it help to remind yourself that their pain was entirely unique to them and you can’t know what it was like or what they went through?
Perhaps you’re thinking of it as a shared experience where you survived but they did not? The thing is we can never assume to know what somebody else is going through. Perhaps remembering this will help you distance yourself a little? (Though of course it’s notmal to feel a certain level of empathy) x

Thanks, yes I think this may be it. The girl is the same age as me with similar interests although I would perceive her to be ‘better’ than me with a ‘better’ life (I know this is wrong) - she had more friends, was more beautiful, more money, fitter in physical health. I know this means nothing really. But her family also posted that she left beautiful Goodbye notes explaining that there was nothing they could have done and that this was the right decision for her - I wrote almost the same letters when I was almost at that point, but I didn’t go through with it. It’s strange to find it so hard to imagine someone like her feeling that deep sadness and wish to end it all, even though I felt it myself. I am so so thankful and grateful that, by whatever reason (an immediate thing that stopped me was my dog, wondering how long she would be alone, and imagining her being sad or my family choosing not to keep her themselves) I didn’t do it, because now I really enjoy my life, and I am resilient even in the hard times. I just feel so sad for this girl, and all the others who die by suicide, that they could have felt better eventually and been happy again. It breaks my heart. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it much lately, but slowly I am accepting that I need to, be sad yes but move on, do what I can do promote better mental health, ensure my loved ones know I am there and I want to hear about it if they are feeling down.