Anxiety ruining everything

[Funnyfishface]

I have suffered with anxiety for 13 years. I am now 53.

I am 6 years out of an abusive marriage (25 years) which is the probable cause. I have a lovely new partner, two grown up sons and granddaughter and lots of good friends. I have a job which I love but anxiety is ruining everything.

I dread everything. I catastrophise and ruminate constantly. I am becoming a hermit. Even before Covid I constantly cancelled planned. I let people down. I don’t look forward to anything. Thus constant worrying is absolutely exhausting.

Some examples of worries I have developed. I am scared to drive especially on motorways in case of traffic jams. I am scared to eat certain foods in case I get sick. I am scared to travel on a train in case it breaks down or worse gets stuck in a tunnel. I get toilet anxiety. I don’t travel far from home. If it wasn’t for my job I would be agoraphobic. The list goes on

I am missing out on living. I miss the old me and I am having very dark thoughts.
I have tried cbt, hypnosis, medication, sertraline (been off meds 4 years) . My gp has prescribed escitalopram but I’m terrified to start it.

Has anyone got any words of advice

[ssd]

@Funnyfishface

Ssd - sorry you are struggling too.

What are you worrying about just now

I'm worried about being at work, I'm in retail and the staff and management don't social distance well, they forget. Dh had covid and after seeing him I don't want it. I feel unsafe at work due to bad practice and being short staffed. I feel like I'm looking daft trying to SD. That's stressing me out so much. And my uni kids futures.