Partner has just said he feels suicidal

[tinatsarina]

He's asleep now. He's just said he feels like getting a belt and ending it. Backstory, he has a drug addiction and has taken some tonight so I'm unsure if he feels he's let's us down by taking it. We have 2 kids and I'm 14 weeks pregnant. I'm worried about leaving him to take the eldest to school as he doesn't start work till after we've left the house. Can anyone suggest how I can help him?

He's been offered anti depressants in the past but hasn't taken them.

You says he’s taken something and is sleeping. Is he still likely to be under the influence when he wakes up? Is he likely to be awake while you take your child to school?

Hi, I am not an expert on drug addiction but from an outsiders point of view it sounds as though he has let you down by taking drugs and now is trying to get you back on his side by threatening suicide, it’s unlikely that he will follow through with this.
It sounds as though you have your hands full with a pregnancy and two kids and he has to seek help and want to change within himself, you can’t do this for him.

Thanks for the replies. I've posted before about his addiction. We've been talking about him coming off what he takes but there's only so much I can do. He needs professional support but is worried ss will get involved but I feel like he's not doing enough to prevent this. He has no will power. He's says one day he's off it that's him done but if his friend contacts him and they have a few drinks then they take some stuff. He's ran up huge bills in the past but said tonight it was ok because the friend paid for tonight. He glazed past the fact that I'm pissed he took it in the first place or regardless of who bought it.

He probably will still be asleep in the morning during the school run.

Ah so this is not a one-off relapse...

He can’t be a good father or partner while this is going on. He can resolve this, you cannot. If he won’t, you need to prioritise yourself and the children. It doesn’t sound like he is motivated to get help, so at some level this is working for him. He gets to do his thing and can rely on you when he feels bad and can’t cope. Don’t sacrifice your children to hold his life together - they will notice, they will lose out, and they will not thank you.

I do get how impossible and hard this seems, but it will only get harder.

Good luck.

If he wants to change there is Narcotics Anonymous.

I did say to him about NA but he hasn't taken it up yet. I know any control he thinks he has over this will slip. I'm going to speak to him tonight because I can't keep this up. I've a 7 month old who still bfs at night and a 6 year old to care for as well as the house and life admin. I know I can't take on his problems to. He said the other week he felt like he was having a break down as he had a bill to pay because of his habit and we also need work done to the house and general life bills. I felt like saying well when do I get to have a breakdown as I seem to be the only one holding this all together.

he needs to reach his rock bottom to want to change. While you are holding a safety net he won’t be able to move from this spot. Even if he’s totally miserable and bringing everyone else down.

I’m sorry but it sounds to me like you need to tell him to leave and not even think about coming back until he’s clean and getting support.

Yea I was thinking about an ultimatum. I suggested today about him phoning his gp but my sister's here atm so I'll have to wait till later to ask if he's even done that

There is a really good analogy for this ... you are walking across a bridge and hear a cry for help. You realise someone is hanging on for dear life over the chasm. You grab their hand.

At this point they can accept help and get back on the bridge, or just be a dead weight while you assume responsibility for saving them. You are both stuck.

For you both to move on you both need to let go. He can help himself. He can grab more expert, stronger hands than yours, if he chooses to, but he needs to know that you mean it when you say you are letting go.

Again, I’m sorry. It must be so hard.

I saw your previous post. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and I don’t mean to be blunt but you issued an ultimatum last time but he obviously hasn’t taken it seriously.

I know it’s awfully hard but you need to prioritise yourself. You can’t keep issuing ultimatums that you don’t follow through. The only way he will see the stakes is if you leave him, he hits rock bottom and realises he needs to change