Mum and mil adding to my depression

[Cocacola12]

I’ve struggled on and off for years, recently I’ve actually felt ok im not on meds for the first time in ages. However my mum and my mil both tend to offload all their problems anytime they come over (at least once a week) they are both single and both victim to their ex having affair (my dad and husbands dad)
I dread them coming over.
They ask to come “help with the kids” but in reality they come over and sit around while I end up having to do more as I also have to deal with the kids while listening to all their problems. My mum in particular I always feel is judging my parenting/my attitude to anything. My mil needs to know everything.
I wish me and the oh and kids lived further away so they didn’t come over so much (they’d be extremely hurt an angry if I suggested they didn’t visit so much)
It doesn’t help that when they visit it’s always me on my own as my husband is still at work. They stay for ages and after putting the kids to bed I just want to relax on my own. They are both very good friends with each other, but there is also an element of competitiveness which I hate (particularly with my mil - it’s like she’s offended that I talk to my mum more)
I have no idea what to say without causing a row, both of them would definitely take it the wrong way, but my own health is now being affected as I’m so stressed and anxious about them visiting and dread getting a message from them.
I honestly feel like ignoring their messages but I can’t do that forever

I found it very stressful in a similar situation, though visits were less frequent and always planned in advance. I find now (except for Covid putting a spanner in the works) that it is so much better for me too take them at their word that this visit is about helping with the kids and get off out of the house at the earliest opportunity. It's the only way I can stay sane, particularly as visits always involve an overnight stay due to distance.

I feel selfish, guilty, you name it. But I've learnt that feeling like that is so much better than the stress of it not being clear who is meant to be in charge. It also means I'm refreshed for whatever conversation comes up in the evenings and can give proper attention.

Why not say that in future you will visit them as you want to get out of the house/need the exercise? They may be upset but you're already upset, so I think you need to put yourself first as your children are dependent on you.

... or take them at their word a d give them horrible jobs to do!

Could you invite both of them over at the same time? They could off load onto each other - while you faff about doing other things....

@ClaryFairchild yes they did used to come over together, to be honest that was worse! The kids just act up and again my mum seems to take delight in showing my parenting isn’t right. She is/was a very shouty mum who loses her cool over the tiniest thing. My mil is a complete pushover who has no authority at all, and doesn’t discipline.
Both together it’s terrible 🙈
I’m thinking about taking the advise of a pp and going out, only thing is they then seem to take that as if they are doing me a favour my coming over (they are not) almost implying I can’t cope. (I’m pretty much used to being on my own with the kids and much prefer it)