so have decided suicide is not the answer- help me find a way out this mess

[BPSCSS]

So I escaped domestic violence five months ago following a serious attack. Been all through the court process have a restraining order in place. Work exceedingly high pressure and my daughter had a breakdown. I suffer from PTSD, depression and anxiety now. I made a stupid decision in work, face a disciplinary, may loose my job (not that likely but union are worried). Am suicidal at times and fear the effect the hearing will have on me. Ex pays very little, is an abusive unemployed drunk, unlikely to change or contribute anymore than the small amount he already does.
I have a mortgage and need to make around £2k per month. Am a qualified teacher, have a communications background and have approved substantial finding bids. Supply teaching doesn't quite pay enough. I have enough saving for five months but that is the kids university money.
So suggestions please- what do I do if I loose my job?

I’m so sorry things are so difficult for you.
I have no experience or knowledge that would be any use. I just wanted to bump in case anyone could offer any help.
Maybe Posting in a different topic and a title change to “what do I do if I lose my job?” would get more responses. I’ve noticed a lot of MN don’t really venture into the mental health section.
I hope things work out okay for you.

Yes that is a good point, I didn't quite have the resilience to admit to messing up in the main section! Plus I doubt if I was a better place I would have made the same mistake.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself well done for escaping domestic violence. This is an amazing achievement.

You might want the savings to be for university but the first priority now might well be to use those to keep going as a household. Your children will prefer you to use them to stay alive, to weather this current storm. You need those savings to give you options in the face of the disciplinary.

That's a really good point so cross that I messed up especially as I was very well regarded in my job, got bonuses etc

Hello, and I am sorry things have been so tough for you lately. I wasn't sure, is the job you might lose a teaching job or is it in another field of employment? If the latter, could you look into a permanent teaching post? I note you say supply doesn't pay enough, (and can't be good for your mental health, based on my experience of it!) but a permanent job in teaching would surely meet your financial needs.

Job wise it is worth working out the balance of:
It's not that likely you will lose your job
And
the effect the hearing/ process will have on you.
and, the effect of continuing in a high pressure job, can you do that without burning out?

If you work out that you're best off avoiding the hearing and want to leave your job, thèn it's time to leave and use the savings to bolster supply or temping earnings while you find your feet.

If you think you actually can continue this teaching post, then focus on the factors which mean that your job is not likely to disappear. But do whatever needed to prioritise your mental health.

I’d prepare for the worst but hope for the best
Get your resume up to date. Find out if you can pay interest only on your mortgage for a while if necessary. Any costs you can cut in the meantime?
Can you put your name down for counselling, take other steps to show you are working on your mental health. Eg start taking vitamin D supplements, no alcohol, work on exercise and diet
If you go to supply teaching and use your savings to supplement how long would have give you?

Wishing you good luck

The things you did that meant you were well regarded in your job have not gone away. You still did those things and you should be proud of them.

@BPSCSS

Yes that is a good point, I didn't quite have the resilience to admit to messing up in the main section! Plus I doubt if I was a better place I would have made the same mistake.

I know you may not want people in work to know what you’ve been through and yet it is a factor from your post here.

If you feel you can I would be letting work know that, ask for specific confidentiality around it if possible and allow them to be supportive.

I admire you greatly for working while recovering from abuse, that doesn’t mean you can’t also be supported to stay in work

Thanks everyone. Yes my work knew throughout and I would not dare post on a public forum how they responded. Full time teaching is seriously tough and I have been out for three years. I loved supply and as I have a background in SEMH, naughty kids weren't an issue so I was always booked, usually with the words we have a class just for you! It was a serious burn out but I was only doing that role temporarily, my home team are wonderful. I don't know what would happen if I resigned, I think once it starts there is no going back.

The job was another field, I moved into from teaching.