What kind of therapy for childhood sexual abuse?

[Dontknowwhoelsetoask]

Yes, I am a namechanger, not quite ready to out myself.

I'm just starting to think that I do need to get some help, and would really appreciate knowing what kind of therapy other people have found useful. I have been recommended someone who I have met and did like, but not sure whether it would be better to find a therapist who specialises in this area, or whether finding someone you like is just as or more important.

Many thanks in advance.

I think finding a therapist can be very useful for some people,but others find it quite hard to fit their emotions into a time slot,such as 9am Monday morning and it's always difficult if your time is up and you don't feel that you have quite finished. A good friend can be very helpful if they understand, but you might like the advice of a professional as they can support you in many different ways. Just being able to say you are ready is a big step so well done you!! I think it will probably take some time to feel that you are comfortable,so try a variety of things and find out which one suits you the best

Hi, glad that you are seeking help for this.

I think that as you say, the most important thing is to feel safe with your counsellor.
You need to trust that they will respect you and honour the code of confidentiality
These people will be able to provide more help as to the specific sort of counselling they feel would be best for you, as will another agency called ISAS (Incest and Sexual abuse survivors)
here

I hope you find the resolution you are looking for x

It depends what you want it for....the first thing i'd say is that you have to 'click' with your counsellor...whatever their model the relationship between you is the most important thing. talk to more than one, find someone that it feels as if you might eventually be able to trust.

CBT can help with changing the way you think about things and behave...if you feel your past is impinging on your life in some specific way this might be the right route for you, it will help you look at your thought patterns, become aware of how you get into negative thinking etc.

In my experience, if you really want to work through (it is a trite phrase, and not really appropriate for what you've suffered but i hope you know what i mean) what happened to you and how it continues to affect you I would advise looking at long term open ended therapy. Again the model is less important than the relationship.

if you possibly can, get a recommendation, you ideally want someone that has experience of working with your issue. feel free to CAT me if you are based in london, otherwise, ask around if you can. IME experience the Centre for Attachment Based Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy is a training institution that produced excellent counsellors. I wish I had trained there. They should be able to give you a steer.

You should make sure that your counsellor is accredited with UKCP and/or BACP. You'll find functions on both of their websites for finding a counsellor close to you, but like i say, if you possibly can, go by recommendation.

hope some of this helps.

Thanks for that link, wisteria.

I think I probably do need to see a professional, not really something one could ask of a friend, though some of my friends do know, as does my dh.

Does anyone have personal experience of this situation? I'm wondering how important it is to find a counsellor/therapist with specific experience of sexual abuse issues. I do like the person who has been recommended (she's a colleague of a colleague of mine who has retrained as a psychoanalyst). I do trust her judgement but this is such a specific area that I don't want to build up a relationship with someone and then find they can't really deal with it.

Or whether to go back to my GP and get a clinic referral, and run the risk of ending up with someone that I don't gel with.

Hmm.

i have had 'bits' of therapy in the 18 months since disclosure
I strangely found a group therapy with other survivors immensely helpful and informative
for me i suffered immense isolation as a result of family reaction to my disclosure - it was a huge relief to know others suffer he exact same
whereabouts in the country are you ( roughly!)

This might help you find someone in your areahere

see her and ask her if she has experience...or talkto her over the phone...she is duty bound to answer your questions honestly.

I'm in London.

Sophable, thanks for that info. Presumably nowadays the Freudian types have got beyond assuming that childhood abuse issues are just the product of little girls' repressed fantasies?

x posted dontKnow who to ask

I would say if at all possible go for someone with experience in this field

i had an awful lot of people bandying 'a little bit of knowledge' about on the subject telling me i was a 'survivor' for example time after time. I saw a variation of professionals. It was not until i saw women who were trained in this field ( and sadly were victims thmselves) that they were able to put things right for me and tell me it was ok to feel however i did ...for example I WAS a victim and for as long as i had to feel like one i could do. It was only after these groups i gained the strength to move from one to the other
sorry i ramble
Its all very raw for me and i wont lie it has been a hard time for me but worth it
i feel like i have shed my burden and am in the process of picking myself up from where it left me and getting on with my life

(RE the Freud thing)

I must say i have only been treated with the utomst respect by all agencies

Rambling is fine, NAO. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

I think the person I've been recommended is likely to be very non-directive, so I'm not really concerned about being told how to feel -- plus I'm very argumentative! But am slightly worried as to how well I will be able to deal with very muted reactions from the person I'm talking to, when some of my feelings are so extreme. But then on the other hand you don't what someone who will freak out either, clearly.

Hmm.

what do you mean by a muted reaction exactly?

Good for you, this is a huge step forward and one I think you will find incredibly helpful.

I am just about to start my group sessions. These seem to be very much like NotAnOtters in that they are not counselling sessions as such, but group sessions with other victims, and are also run by victims of child abuse.

Quite a few years ago I was referred by my doctor for counselling and tbh honest I found it really unhelpful, I think it was because the lady I saw didn't try to understand me. Short story is that 2 years previously I lost my first son, he was stillborn. Now unfortunatly my counselling sessions happened to start a day before his 2nd birthday, so I was obviously quite low at the time. She didn't seem to understand when I was trying to explain that my feelings at the time were not how I normally felt, obviously. It put me off counselling for a very long time after that (needless to say I didn't see her again)

Saying that, I have a good feeling about the group I am going to in a few weeks. They WILL understand!!

My doctor gave me the number for this group (though it is in Hants, so not much good for you) Maybe there is a similar group near you.

By muted do you mean that you won't get a lot of response from the person you will see? Do you mean it will be a kind of you talking and them listening scenario?

dkwta

i am sure this sounds like a cliche but a good therapist - particularly one with experience in this feild will have heard it all before - sadly

i found my group therapist ( who also gave me one to one sessions where necessary) amazingly insightful and found myself actively rehearsing her wise responses to help me later

i have been - silent - angry - and tearful in the sessions . the anger and swearing fazes no one

i did get a bit argumentative with some crappy counsellor they gave me first but that was because he was trying to tell me how i really felt and he was wrrong - i just told him it wasn't working and he dropped me like a lead balloon!

i was sure i would NOT see out any therapy - i am not the type (!) but i did with the specialist group it was very healing

Yes, by muted responses I meant that she tends to listen rather than talk. I have met her just to see if we got on, which we did. In fact I liked her, which I thought was probably the most important thing. But I was slightly disconcerted by the amount of silence, which I found quite hard to deal with. I'm not sure whether this was an individual thing, or to do with her particular approach, or whether she just didn't know what to say to what I was telling her.

Either of the first two would be okay, particularly if she was prepared to try and adapt to me, but the third would not be a good scenario.

I know what you mean, I have had counselling where the counsellor has sat and said very little and I feel as though I am rambling on!

Sometimes this has been helpful, but other times not. I have friends who I can speak to if I need to and who will listen, but will not go into detail with them. I need to be encouraged to talk about more delicate issues, because if I'm not, I won't!

Maybe you could speak to the counsellor about this and see if you could adapt your sessions to suit your needs.

i see!!!
Yes iknow what you mean now!

Personally i kept thinking - i know my own mind - i know what happened to me - i have been introspective enough over the last 25 years to understand myself. i needed someone to TELL me how to deal with things - TELL me i was not mad etc

I think this is one of the reasons I feel this new group will be helpful They aren't counselling sessions, they are a support group who run workshops etc. I do think I will go and realise the way I feel at times is totally normal and hopefully others will have tips on how I can move forward.

NotAnOtter, yes, that's exactly how I felt!

Speak to your counsellor and tell them that the lack of response is difficult for you. If they can'#t change then find another one.
I don't recommend relying on friends. The beauty of a good counsellor/therapist is that you do not have to filter what you say.
I could not speak honestly with friends because i know that I will worry that on some level it will affect how they regard me.
If you need to talk about these things then you need the freedom to talk without feeling judged or feeling the need to filter the most difficult bits.
You have to 'click' as others have said or it won't work.

Maybe a group session would benefit you more then at first - unfortunately the whole ethos of counselling is to provide a space for a client to explore their thoughts and feelings for themselves in a safe and trusted environment.

It is very empowering to feel as though you can say anything to someone, without being judged. If you get on with this lady, then I would suggest giving it a go as long as you are comfortable with her knowing someone that you work with. Her code of conduct and the contract that you will make between you should prohibit her from repeating anything to your colleague anyway but I must admit that would put me off and I'd rather speak to someone who had absolutely no connection to my life.

A counsellor will eventually begin to challenge you and give you goals etc to work towards but at first, it is about listening to you so they get a true picture of how you are feeling. A counsellor generally asks as few questions as possible in the beginning of the working relationship.

Thanks, everyone, this is really helpful.

I think I'll give it a go with the person I've seen already I did instinctively like her, although I suspect not saying much is part of the philosophy. She's more a psychoanalyst than a counsellor, but said she I didn't need to commit to that level of intensiveness if I didn't want to. I'm not put off by the connection as it's quite distant someone I used to work with in a different field. I just approached the ex-colleague because I knew she had retrained as a psychologist, and thought at least I'd get a recommendation worth having.

I think the lack of reaction thing is scary for me in any case, as it has echoes of me saying things as a child and getting no reaction. I suspect I'll just have to deal with that. In any case, someone telling me what to think and do would be far more off-putting.

say how you feel to her don'tknow.

and you're right, psychoanalysis has moved on A LOT since then.

oh and also, could i possibly recommend you a book that I think it THE seminal text for this:

I cannot recommend this book enough

read the reviews.

this book i think, would be great from the point of view of your reality being accepted. what you felt is valid, and real.