I thought I was OK

[Jenasaurus]

Sorry this is pretty long and no one needs to answer, I just want to get something off my chest.

I have coped pretty well recently. I have been working from home and getting on with life. This morning however, I woke up and saw an innocent message from my DS about something innocuous and burst into tears and haven't been able to stop sobbing since 7am this morning.

In context and so not to drip feed, the message was basically asking me to take a photo down of his puppy as his GF wanted to be the first to post a photo, which is quite an acceptable request. The reason I posted it was because I am terrified of dogs, absolutely terrified and yesterday my DS asked for my help in collecting their new puppy as his GF was at home with their other dog, it was a 3 hour drive there and then 3 hours back, and on the journey back she was on my lap wrapped in a blanket. This may sound a lovely experience, and it was to be honest but I am even scared of tiny cute puppies (irrational fear I know but then so is a fear of most things). Over the journey I felt more and more confident and really enjoyed cuddling her and keeping her safe. When we arrived at his home, my DS took a photo of me with her, I was so happy and proud of myself (and exhausted as it was really late and I had been working all day prior to the trip, and I dont sleep well at the best of times).

That photo meant so much to me, and my son sent it to me, so I cropped it neatly just so you could see the little dog and me holding her and put it on my FB. I then got the message telling me to take it down and it hurt so much that I cried and cried. I realise this is a total overeaction. I never cry, ever except when I was hormonal in the past with pregnancies, this is what concerns me. I wonder if the crying wasnt about being told off about the photo but is something deeper that I have been supressing within me for a long time. I now feel so very sad and lonely with a sort of desperation, like how do I remove this lump from my throat and stop my tears flowing.

I dont have a significant other in my life since splitting up with my ex after 28 years together and then I had a BF for 7 years but he was emotionally abusive, it took me a while but I ended that too and now I am alone.

I have been through a lot over the years, like most people some good and some bad, but one of the worst episodes in my life was when I was 50K in debt, I lost my job, my relationship and was about to lose my home, yet I still struggled on and didnt give in.My DSIS said to me once, "I dont know how your still alive" She meant it kindly and I hadnt really thought about it at the time, but every hurdle that came my way, I did manage to resolve and deal with, even my lovely mum getting Alzeimers, Ovarian cancer and dying. I coped...but now I have one message about a photo of a puppy and I am crying non stop.

I have in the past been diagnosed with depression and I am scared I am heading down that path as my reaction to this message was so strong. I am very close to my grown up DC, we never fall out and his message wasnt mean or nasty to me, and yes I took the photo down.

Maybe I am struggling more than I realise at the moment and a few harsh words were a trigger.

I dont go out at all really with whats going on with the virus. This was one of the few times I have left my flat since March, maybe thats why I was emotional. Maybe I am just human and have my limits of what I can deal with and reached mine, and that comment happened to be the trigger.

I dont know what I want from this thread, just to let it out I think in a safe space where I wont upset my family. My DS and his GF would be gutted to think I was so upset which is why my reaction is so odd.

I feel so much better for writing this,, thank you if you have read to this point

Hey OP,

sorry to hear that you're having a rubbish time, sometimes with depression/anxiety it can be triggered by something quite small, i've had similar experiences.

It was pretty shitty to be told to take a photo down of a puppy, i mean seriously, how petty.

My advise to you would be to be completely open and honest with them, don't bottle it up or you will feel worse.

Simply explain that you felt really happy and proud to have dealt with your fears that day and wanted to share that, and say you were very hurt by being asked to take it down.

At least then you know you've told them exactly how you feel. Ask them if you can post it tomorrow instead or something. Just don't bottle those feelings up. I hope you get through this bump, just remember "this too shall pass" and i'm sure in a few days time you'll feel much better about it all.

Good Luck xx

I wonder if you'd had a meaningful experience very possibly one of very few since March - you were proud of yourself, you'd been with your DS all day, you'd been out of the flat "in the world", and your DS's message has taken all that away in an instant. You're so insignificant that your feelings, your experiences, you, don't get considered or validated. The puppy is going to get love and consideration but you are not.

That's my best guess anyway!

Sounds like you need a long hot bath, a glass of wine and an early night. You do matter.

Thank you both so much. I think you have both hit the nail on the head, in fact I was thinking about it aftewards and realised it may be the feeling that I dont matter. Everyone seems to be part of a couple and each of them quite rightly put each other first, and I miss having that connection with someone. I feel much better now, writing it down really helped. I am touched you have taken the time to respond as I know what I was going through wasnt really much compared to a lot of people, I was just taken aback when I burst into tears, its so out of character for me to cry, and then I just couldnt stop once I started. I felt tired and drained after crying but also a little relief, maybe I needed a good cry.

Thanks again your replies mean so much to me :)

OP you sound lovely! I wonder if you felt that you were sharing your love with your DS, the puppy and DS’s growing family. And it seems you were ‘put in your place’, and it is lowest in that hierarchy.

It is not ok at all! You matter and there is no reason for others to tell you that you cannot put your experiences on Facebook. I would be quite firm and tell DS that you are disappointed in his reaction, but you will take down the photo. Draw the boundary in a matter of fact now, so they know that they cannot overstep it again.

And then do something really special for yourself!!! As my therapist told me, the only person you really need to belong to, is yourself 💐

@Trut

OP you sound lovely! I wonder if you felt that you were sharing your love with your DS, the puppy and DS’s growing family. And it seems you were ‘put in your place’, and it is lowest in that hierarchy.

It is not ok at all! You matter and there is no reason for others to tell you that you cannot put your experiences on Facebook. I would be quite firm and tell DS that you are disappointed in his reaction, but you will take down the photo. Draw the boundary in a matter of fact now, so they know that they cannot overstep it again.

And then do something really special for yourself!!! As my therapist told me, the only person you really need to belong to, is yourself 💐

Thank you for your kind words, I have had a lovely evening playing an online game with my DC all from our different homes but communicating over Zoom as we played. It really cheered me up, I realise that I just like to be included in things. I dont think my DS meant any harm an they probably just wanted to share the news themselves. I would have understood if it was a baby but this didnt occur to me that it was a similar scenario and of course I wouldnt have posted the first photos of my grandchild and waited for them to share the news.

Your last comment about belonging to yourself is brilliant and I am going to try and use that in my life :) x

Thanks Sophie x

I have had another lovely day I am pleased to report. My DD treated me to lunch and we spent the time discussing everything from 'Come Dine With Me' to politics, these are the moments that make life feel good arent they.

I can thoroughly recommend this game if youre feeling low, I am 55 and not really a gamer, but this ticked a lot of boxes for me and made me feel connected in lockdown. You don't have to know the people you play against but we created a zoom chat alongside so we could debate who we thought the impostor is. This was my first time playing which my DS decided to record.