Help me cope with DH poor mental health

[itsmschanandlerbong]

I'm really struggling with my husbands poor mental health. He has been experiencing severe anxiety and depression for 1 week now. He has always had anxiety and depression and has good periods and bad periods but it's never been as bad as this. He is having very intrusive thoughts which tell him he's a bad person, he has hurt people, he doesn't deserve to be here, etc. He is constantly asking me if I think he's a bad person, giving examples of why he thinks he's a bad person, asking if I've changed my mind about him, asking if I still love him, if I still want to be with him. He has barely ate or slept, he is crying constantly and he looks pale and has dark circles under his eyes. For the first time in 15 years he has taken time off work sick. He has contacted his GP and his propanalol has been increased, he is already on the highest dose of citalopram. He has a telephone consultation with a CPN tomorrow.

I am really, really struggling with this. I have a stressful job and work with families who are often experiencing trauma or crisis. I have continued to go to work, to give over lots of emotional energy at work and then come home and do the same. I feel emotionally empty, like I have nothing left to give. As I've said above, he constantly asks me if he's a bad person, gives examples about why he's a bad person, etc, etc. He is distressed when asking this and often cries, but it is relentless and he doesn't stop until I either break down or walk away. I keep crying because I can't cope with this. I'm ashamed to admit I have become frustrated and shouted at him.

I have recently experienced a bereavement, but it's like he doesn't care how this effects me, which I know is selfish because he can't control how he feels but he is just so focussed on himself and how shitty he feels and doesn't care how this is effecting me. Again I know this is selfish, not rational and very likely untrue but I just need to get these thoughts out.

My husband is broken, I am broken. I don't know if I can cope with this much longer. I would really appreciate any advice on how to go forward or how to respond better to him better.

This sounds so hard and do you think counselling for yourself may help you to cope better with DH and also help to create space for your own grief?

Aww, I couldn't not comment. It is incredibly draining dealing with a loved one who has mental health issues. Please seek help for yourself, either contact your GP, likely to be a long wait before any real help can be offered. Alternatively google counsellors in your local area, some of them are quite reasonably priced and definitely worth making a priority expenditure if possible for you.
Best of luck OP .

I don't have any great advice but couldn't read and not respond. Having lived with a dh who suffers mh issues for the past 10 years, I have huge amounts of sympathy for you - I too have felt emotionally drained, angry and frustrated in turn.

It does sound as though your dh is in a very bad place at the moment and you both need some support. CBT saved my Dh's life (literally) - he should be able to get referred through your GP for some therapy.

In the meantime is it possible to get a bit of time for yourself away from the situation if you can - even just a walk or a coffee? And don't beat yourself up for feeling drained and like you can't take any more - it sounds like you are holding it together amazingly in the circumstances.

@Snog

This sounds so hard and do you think counselling for yourself may help you to cope better with DH and also help to create space for your own grief?

I have been thinking the same. I'm hoping things pick up over the weekend. I have free access to counselling (telephone at the moment) via work so I think I'll give them a call next week if things aren't any better. Thank you for replying.

@Graymare

Aww, I couldn't not comment. It is incredibly draining dealing with a loved one who has mental health issues. Please seek help for yourself, either contact your GP, likely to be a long wait before any real help can be offered. Alternatively google counsellors in your local area, some of them are quite reasonably priced and definitely worth making a priority expenditure if possible for you. Best of luck OP .

Thank you for replying. I'm hoping things get better over the weekend. He hasn't been quite as bad today although the anxiety is definitely still there. I have access to free telephone counselling via my work so I think I might get in contact with them.

@mamaduckbone

I don't have any great advice but couldn't read and not respond. Having lived with a dh who suffers mh issues for the past 10 years, I have huge amounts of sympathy for you - I too have felt emotionally drained, angry and frustrated in turn.

It does sound as though your dh is in a very bad place at the moment and you both need some support. CBT saved my Dh's life (literally) - he should be able to get referred through your GP for some therapy.

In the meantime is it possible to get a bit of time for yourself away from the situation if you can - even just a walk or a coffee? And don't beat yourself up for feeling drained and like you can't take any more - it sounds like you are holding it together amazingly in the circumstances.

It's so hard isn't it? It's just heartbreaking seeing how distressed he is. Then I get frustrated which I know doesn't help. It's not easy.

He had a telephone consultation with a CPN today who is referring him for counselling. He has done counselling before which has helped so I'm hoping it won't be too long of a wait.

I think you're right re: taking time for me. I'm meeting up with a friend for a couple of hours tomorrow. Also been out at work purposely today and planning the same tomorrow, not WFH which has also helped.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Good luck for your dh re: the counselling and I hope you have a relaxing couple of hours tomorrow.
WFH must be really hard with dh there all the time in the state he is in at the moment so going in to work also sounds like a good plan. Does he manage to get out of the house at all? For a walk, cycle or a run maybe? I know my dh found exercise really helpful to clear his head a bit and still cycles 3 or 4 times a week now. His mh takes a downward turn if he doesn't.