Don't know where to start

[spottycaketin]

I think I'm having a massive crisis but I also think I keep telling myself I'm not just to cope.
I feel like since coronavirus hit my life is one endless road of things to do for everyone else.

My dh I think is suffering in the same way and we are both trying to shift all jobs into each other. We have one primary aged dc and no other help. Having dd since March by myself was very difficult and she is very active and hyper all the time, hardly ever sleeps or has downtime. I'm glad she's healthy and happy but it wears me down.
I am so happy school is now open. But even the time she's there isn't enough. I am trying so hard to stay on top of everything. I've cancelled all extra curricular clubs as I feel like I can't manage them but then I feel guilty that my dc is missing out.

I've cancelled everything I can possibly cancel as my mind just feels like it's gone. Like it's just jelly I can't remember any appointments when normally I'm very organised. School keeps sending so many emails with Covid information. Work keeps pushing me. My dh is being more useless than ever but I think it's equal to how I am with him as we are both under tremendous financial pressure since Covid hit both heavily losing income this year.

I feel like I cannot cope. I want to run away completely. I know I can't and I'm usually quite rational about everything but I don't know what I can do. Maybe I can't do anything. Some days I wake up and think I'm just going to leave dh and dd and go somewhere else. I can't cope with school, school runs, my jobs, I am looking for other work but nothing is happening when I apply.

Normally I'm positive and say ok how can I fix this but I can't seem to fix anything. I just need a break. We also moved to a new area and I don't know anyone. And no one wants to make friends because of corona. I'm crying writing this out. I'm lonely, have no friends here, I don't have any family, dh is also seeming to be in a crisis, I wish I could call in sick at work but I can't afford to. Just feel like I need time off but whenever I take time off work no one else does my job so I recently took a week off and came back to double my workload which still had to be fit into one week and end up more tired than ever.
Sorry just ranting maybe. Needed to get it out.

Wow I felt like I’d written some of that!
I’m feeling pretty similar at the moment. Im a single mum with two kids, toddler and 10 year old and work full time. Had eldest home since March and toddler a few days a week.
I had a marriage separation at Xmas too and everything is just really overwhelming me. I can’t seem to focus at work (I work from home), house seems to constantly get messy, even with kids back at school/childminder, like you, it just doesn’t seem enough.
I’ve just come and laid down on my bed when I’m meant to be working as I’m exhausted.
I take sertraline but doesn’t seem to help with feeling overwhelmed etc

You have a lot of worries there op, its understandable that you are feeling a little overwhelmed. The best advice I can give is plan for the worst and hope for the best, try and take it one day at a time, and remember it won't be like this forever. Talking to people is important. Don't try and do everything at once. Also, I know it sounds awful but remember there are people in worse situations. Give it time. Hope you feel brighter soon

Thanks for the replies.
Good to know I'm not the only one even though I don't wish that on anyone.

Yes @NameAChange you're right I know I haven't got it as bad as some people. I am grateful I even have a job but I really hate it, I had planned to leave it last year but dh lost his job so I held off on leaving as I really needed it. Since coronavirus my work are acting like they know I won't be going anywhere and piling more and more on me despite me being really behind and telling them all the time. Dh also looking for work as he still hasn't got anything permanent so we are just rolling along each month and now doing as little as possible so as not to overspend just in case the worst does happen. Life feels like one endless chore at the moment. I do hope things get better.

I feel for you.
Have you tried to open up to DH and discuss how both of you are feeling?

I think if I'm honest dh has so much on his plate. He lost his 'big job' last year is now on less pay, a worse job that's not even a permanent role, he's trying to get work but this year has pretty much written off anything, his current company had previously said they would take him on permanently until Covid and now said they can't but we feel grateful they've at least kept him on a contract. He is trying to improve his situation and taken on a further (big commitment) qualification in his line to make his cv look better but that's adding to his workload at home. Most days he's wfh 9-6 mostly on the phone, then studying 7-12 he does take dc to school every other morning as well.

I just feel exhausted every day. I'm dragging myself around. I look awful. I don't look well. If I worked for a company with sick pay I'd just take a week off but I don't and ssp won't cover our bills. I can't sleep most nights and have massive bags under my eyes I even dream about missed deadlines!

I did go for a run this morning and haven't been running for years, I didn't like it but it has helped me get some air at least. I have to get through this life blip but I've never felt so bleak. I can't see an end to all of this endless wake up, work, go sleep 'no life' routine.

I am not coping being so isolated at all either. At least I don't have to commute now. That's one positive. I'm trying to find as many positives as I can but sometimes even that can get depressing failing to be able to.

I feel like I'm getting more and more down but trying very hard not to slip into negative thoughts. I wish I could sleep for a few days!

It's all so odd for us to be in this state as well. A few years ago we were all happy and healthy. I can't even look at photos from then. We look well and I wish that I could go back to that time. I suppose you never know what's around the corner.