It all started 3 years ago. At that time my 9 year old daughter was one of the brightest kids at her school. Things were going well but then a double tragedy hit within the space of 4 weeks. Her Grandad and Auntie passed away. We didn't notice at that time and it did take some time to fully understand and realise the changes in our daughter. She became clingy with her mum over time and whenever any of us left the house it was 20 questions about where we were going and what time will any of us be back. We put it down to Grieving at the time but has the months passed it was getting worse. Many visits to the doctors who suggested it was more likely seperation anxiety and may need some counselling. We went along with that idea because like any concerned parent you'll do and try anything right....
Tbh the initial counselling was poor. It felt like they were just there because it was a job rather than helping. They were cancelling appointments on the day and this was very frustrating. By this time our daughter was in year 6 and ready to start secondary school in September. Having missed the last 5 months at junior school with anxiety we were hoping the new school and surroundings may help her especially after having some transition days beforehand. She managed to go in for the 1st few days but was wobbling here and there. We thought it was going well but unknown to us and no fault of our daughter she bottled her feelings up and when the ticking bomb went off, it went off big. It was late October the day back after school holidays when the panic attacks started and i mean full on panic attacks. I was working (on earlies) so I could only communicate with Mum over the phone or by text. This went on for months and it got that bad with me emotionally and mentally it almost cost me my job that i couldn't focus on. After speaking with my bosses and finally opening up they were fantastic and very supportive and gave me some time off.
That's when i saw the full extent of the fear and panic in my daughter trying to get her in School. At this time we still thought it was just tiredness (She hasn't been sleeping great for years) and we basically dragged her in school with her screaming and pleading all the way asking us not to let her go. This was hard and very emotional for us as parents to see our child feel like this and yes we felt guilty and horrible but we went on the assumption of if she spent a day at school it will change her feelings about going and it did for a few weeks but then the panic attacks started again and this time they got worse. School have been very helpful, supportive and accommodating throughout this whole ordeal but they can only do what they can do ultimately its down to our daughter to do the rest.
They offered part time hours at school.
Lessons in another classroom for kids with anxieties
School counselling sessions
Even to be put in the same lessons as her best friends.
Again this helped for a few weeks and we thought brilliant but then come January this year (after the xmas break) she hasn't been in school since. We managed to get her appointments with Healthy Young Minds but again some we felt were unprofessional until finally we managed to find someone who not only took the time out to listen but went beyond the expectations expected. He's an absolute star in his role and this has helped our daughter over the 6 sessions she had with him thus far (still ongoing) Covid hit the nation in March and our school shut late March and only reopened last week. Our daughter was relaxed at home with minimal anxieties and even managed to catch up by doing online classes at home. Last Monday was her 1st day of year 8 and she managed to go in. it was a battle but she managed it on the basis that we would speak to her head of year about any worries or uncertainties she may be feeling.
We thought she would maybe sit in the anxiety classroom as mentioned earlier (Normally 10 to 15 kids in) but when she got home not only was she upbeat, happy and buzzing she also told me she spent the whole day in the actual classroom. I was so proud of her and felt this was a turning point but unfortunately this was the last time she was in school. Back to square 1 again and even worse with her anxiety.
We have tried everything possible
Counselling
Talking every day
Writing down her feelings good and bad
Working on techniques to reduce her feelings and anxiety
Distraction techniques
Breathing exercise
Medication (She also sufferers with Migraines and Acid Refluxes for 2 years and counting)
Tried the softly approach, the tough approach (That just makes it worse)
We are at our wits end and feel that we are losing our daughter and we feel so helpless and to blame.
Not only is her education dwindling but her social life and the fact not seeing her school friends who she has known since nursery also worries us.
Going off assessments we think its
Seperation Anxiety
OCD Anxiety ( We noticed this since January with the way she does things)
and GAD anxiety which is where they don't know the reasons why they feel the way they do.
She wants an education and she wants a normal life like her friends. She's told us this many times but something in her head stops her. At night she is her old self. Funny, witty, kind and bubbly but come the morning on a school day we see the other side of her and that's the bit we are struggling with. Can't even get her dressed in her school uniform because she feels if she is then we'll literally throw her in the car and force her to school. We won't btw cos we have learned from last term that doesn't work but we wanted to start in small steps like just putting her uniform on.
Reducing her OCD actions by 1-3 times a week.
Part time schooling hours
Not in class but in school
Daily diary on her feelings. Writing down the good things she did that day and how it made her feel.(Don't write down the bad things she feels because that just triggers it the next day if she reads her diary) the good things help her in some way.
We have 2 options left we feel
one is a specialised school in the area which is solely for kids with anxiety. Much smaller classes, pupils and surroundings but it's only temporary as it's a stepping stone for getting them back to the actual school.
The other would be home school but having looked into this and only me working in the household this is something we can't afford and i don't think they is help out there for support on this.
I'm hoping my post will help some reading this or even offer us some hope. Sadly Mental illness in Children is rising day by day and i advise parents to talk to your kids on all matters. look out for the early signs ( this can make an huge difference) and don't be afraid to speak out about it. It's not a weakness on anyone's part. It's a condition and it can happen to anyone in a flash without you even noticing.
Thankyou for those who took the time out to read this.