colic, crying and feeling fed up

[Kezzar]

Mum has taken my 5 week old baby away for a holiday at Grandmas - mummy is coming undone I fear. blubbed in my doctor's appointment and now I am concerned that "manic depressive" will appear on my notes somewhere (else!) She's sending the health vis round, even though I tried to explain I cry a lot at the best of times anyway.

It's just the lack of sleep that's geting me down, in fact I could handle the feeding at night if he would only go to sleep straight away. He's going through a rough colic patch where he strains and cries like he is in agony, for up to 2 hrs after his milk in the night. It's awful to see him in so much pain. Poor baby. Naturally he's wide awake at night and unfortunately he has a belly button hernia which they say will go away naturally most likely, but when he cries it looks like it's going to burst open, it's awful.

My wound is still infected and bleeding which is getting me down too. (emergency C-sec after failed inducement due to pre-eclamsia) Sorry about the rant. Any mothering top tips? I don't feel I'm very good at the whole thing - carrying a baby, giving birth, feeding( Couldn't breast feed and feel crushingly guilty)...I am also nagging husband to death but I wish it wasn't just me that had to do everything. Rationally I know he can't, getting up at 5.30 and drinving over an hour each way to work isn't easy either, but by the time it gets to 9pm I can't think rationally anymore and need a rest! And then Nag Bitch appears! He'd say she appeared a lot earlier than that!

Oh dear, how sorry for myself I really am! I'm going to read my book and sleep this afternoon and hopefully regenerate the old Kerry from somewhere!

And I'm 12stone 12lb!

Kerry TBH you sound like any 'honest' new mum. Nobody tells you about the crappy first weeks. Does your baby sleep in the day at all?

agree with clairabelle. IMHO the first six weeks are grim as sin. no sleep and you feel like absolute death. don't think about doing any housework and do the old "sleep while the baby is sleeping thing" or at least try not to get up for the day till at least midday. think that grandma going off with the baby is a brill idea - you need a temporary rest. Could DH do a late evening feed or 7 a.m ish feed to give you a bit more shut eye????

You poor thing. All of what you are feeling is normal (guilt, tiredness, nagging your other half) and on top of that you are experiencing problems recovering from a c-section, and your ds has a condition that will only add to your worries (mine had positional talipes which also clears up by itself but oh no, I didn't believe them).

My top tips would be -

find out if the HV runs or knows of a good mother and little baby group locally (don't head for the ones where the children can be up to three, too noisy and chaotic for you right now)

get your great-sounding mum to pick you up some arnica tablets for healing, some tea-tree oil (use diluted) for your wound and some Floradix tonic to boost your iron levels

don't be so hard on yourself, the first few weeks with a baby are a nightmare most of the time

rest when the baby does during the day, sod the housework and anything else too

get your mum to make this a regular date - sometimes it is only possible to really rest when you know your baby is in excellent hands and NOT IN YOUR HOUSE

if you have taken the time to find this website and post on it for advice you are honestly doing a whole lot better than many of us did (found Mumsnet when ds was 1 year old and a veteran of being glared at/sobbed at etc)

come on here for a chat whenever you can

you also sound like you have managed to cling on to your sense of humour too Kerry!

Welcome to Mumsnet, it does get better (or to be more accurate, "differently hellish"

Yes, he is sleeping lots in the day, probably because he doesn't sleep well at night! He wakes up about every 3 and a half hours for food and in the day he can take it a lot easier. Maybe I'm more calm or patient, I don't know. He always has terrible wind though. Husband does early evening feed but I end up staying to see him instead of sleeping or going in another room for a break. I've changed to Dr Brown's bottles which made a slight difference last week, but he seems to have got worse over the weekend. Has anyone else's baby had a hernia? Thanks for the encouragement, I feel like a bit of a failure at the moment. "Normal" Kerry could cope with feeling fed up, but I don't know where she is at the mo!

Kerry, try posting your query about other babies with umbilical hernias on the Health thread maybe, and hopefully someone who can relate will spot it.
Great that he is sleeping well in the day, that is a good sign that the night misery should only be temporary.

My dd had a belly button hernia, and it looked so angry all the time, but it has now healed just fine - she is just 2 and it is as flat as it should be. I used to worry about not being able to clean it properly as it used to get a bit sticky inside, but we had no problems with it.

Also she had really bad colic and wind, and basically lived in a Graco wind-up swing for 2-3 months!!! The colic drops made her sick, so she just rocked her way through it! It is really hard, but it doesn't last forever.

It is great that your Mum could take him for a while. Try and catch up on some sleep while you can.

Kerry - those first few weeks are horrid and I found it to be a real shock. Having to deal with colic is horrendous too. You might find some of the tips posted here on this previous thread useful for dealing with colic. I promise it does get better.

and kezzar is an old colleague and best mate of mine ( not htat that shoudl cloud your jusdgement)

more help pl

It is hell on wheels, Kezzar. Really sympathise. My ds had colic and an umbilical hernia - we tried everything re the colic; drops, spaced feeds, massage, cranial osteopathy, baby colic tea - you name it, we threw money at it - and I should have just listened to my mother. And a lot of Mumsnetters. Nothing works, your baby has an immature gut and until his / her gut as got accustomed to milk, then you will have a screaming child from hell and this will turn you into Evil Witch Mummy and Vilest of Wives. BUT it does end. No help to you now, but it does come to an end. Ds stopped being colicy at about 8 weeks, some do earlier but most are ok by about 3 months. That must seem like an awfully long time to you and I really feel for you.
Re the hernia - I was sure it was the screaming that created it in the first place but my GP said not to worry, most sticky-outies become flatties once the child's '6 pack' starts to develop - round about 2 or 3. My friend's little boy had a bigger hernia than my dp's and it is now almost gone and he has just turned 3. If it hasn't started to sort itself out by then, then maybe you could go back to the GP.
All my sympathy, it is such a dreadful time. Try and sleep in the day when your baby does - once you are rested enough and can take on a sleep routine, ask Mumsnet. You will get lots of great advice on different ways of getting your baby to sleep more at night and less in the day. Good luck!

kerry, you're having a truly grim time, we're thinking of you. I'm glad the health visitor is coming, hope she is helpful.
no advice to offer but there's good stuff on here. i'd just say, could your dh take the baby out when he's feeding him, at least at weekends, so that you can 'let go' for a bit? but it's hard in the winter i know.

It really will get better. It really will. With any luck he will be smiling soon and that does make a bit of a difference.

Sweetie, it is just sooo awful at your stage - between the euphoria of the birth and the first reward of the first smile, you're usually cut and pasted in bits of your body you honestly didn't expect ever to be on public display, this strange little alien has taken over your life FOR EVER...god, I remember it well. AND being enormous (while other people say 'oh, but that surely doesn't matter'), oh, AND all the people who say sentimentally 'enjoy it while it lasts...'

It does seem forever, but it does end and it gets better (and then, believe it or not, you sentimentally gaze at your little lovely - asleep, natch - and decide to have another baby). In the meantime, have you got some serious medication - including painkillers - for that nasty wound?

am sure kezzer will ifin d this helpful

Kezzar - you are very much not alone! Do Have a look at the previous thread that Metrobaby has put a link to; there is some really useful stuff on it.
My DS had colic for 12 weeks and used to cry every day for 3 hours plus he would only sleep if I was holding him - truly awful and horrendous. I was fed up, shattered, felt depressed and totally alone (in the sense that I just didn't have that lovely newborn experience that many new mums talk about and I felt cheated and like "what the hell is going on").
It will pass, it will get easier. Keep posting,

Thank you so much for your advice and words of support, it was lovely to read them rthis morning, after a much better night. Maybe it was the double dosing of Infacol or the fact that I had not seen him for 6 hoours so was more patient????????! I have found a number of osteopath local to us and am off to health food shop for lotions and poions on Wed when I become mobile for the firstr time in 9 weeks- hurrah! v Will post about hernia, but thanks to Smellymelly and Cha for reassurance. I hoped it would go in before 2years but as long as it does go in that's all that counts. Maybe i'm not a mad loonatic afterall....

Thankyou. Esp to Codswollop for introducing me!xx

I found an osteopath brilliant, cannot recommend it enough!
DD2, 10 weeks, almost stopped feeding at 5 wks, would only take a couple of ounces, then scream, may have been colic, not siure!! Saw osteopath and from the 1st appt there was a difference - well worth the money!
It does get better, though it takes a whiloe!! My wonderful mum tells me to think of everything as a phase, nad that it is constantly shifting - she is so right!!!

she is a lunatic I can tell you anyway.

Agree with everyone else. These early days are tortuous but things will improve (although you won't believe thatt right now). All 3 of mine had awful colic and with the first I became quite depressed - everyone I knew had calm content babies and mine just yelled! I felt incredibly alone too especially with no family near but I tried to go for very long walks whenever possible and usually felt calmer. I was unable to find anything that improved the colic - my doctor was firmly of the belief that their little insides just need to straighten out a bit! Accept all offers of help. Get a cleaner for a few weeks. It will pass.

My third had a hernia. It was only mild but sorted itself out very quickly (about 6 months).

It can be just vile. My son was the worst sleeper on the planet. Up all night. Horrible. Don't assume that because a small baby is crying that it is in terrible pain though. Might just be tired and frustrated he can't go back to sleep. It's very stressful to think they are in pain, but I doubt very much he is. You, however, need antibiotics if you have an infection. Being ill will just make you feel a million times worse and unable to cope. Plus, hooray for your mum. It's NOT, NOT, NOT a sign of failure to have someone take your baby while you have a kip, a meal and a nice peaceful stare into space. In fact, all over the world, esp in more 'primitive' societies, women with newborns are forced to lie in bed while other women help with the baby. Now that's what I call sensible. So take advantage of it and try to make it a regular thing. Also, when you feel better and as soon as possible start meeting up with other mums of newborns. You will see a sea of saggy tums, mad hair and baggy eyes. It is, sadly, normal. And yes, I totally sympathise with the awful horror of finding that you are so big after the birth. I found that really upsetting myself, but you really can't rush it. Five weeks is early days and your body has a lot of settling down to do. Your husband is also out of the house a LOT, isn't he? Not surprised you feel like Harpie from hell. I used to be waiting in the hallway at 5.30, ds in my arms, just waiting to hand him over to dh and RUN AWAY!! Hang on in there, though, it gets better (honest). And anyone can tell you are besotted with your baby despite all the awfulness of the first few weeks.

Agree, if you can, get a cleaner. Accept all offers of help. And I really truly found that gettting out made a huge difference to my sanity levels. I did all sorts - NCT tea group, baby massage, baby music, but not really for ds, but for me.

Just booked in with cranial osteopath for Thursday. Last night he was great but this morning cried for Britain. He has so much wind for a little mite! He seems to be starving all the time - just changed to "hungry baby" milk and 2 squirts of Infacol at night. (Trying the drugged effect!)I slept all aft whilst mum did washing, cooked dinner, took baby for walk, fed him...one day will I be able to do these things?!she's taking me to hosp appt tomorrow for 6 wk check up so hopefully the consultant will look at my scar. The GP is sending swab test before prescribing antibiotics but they won't be in till Monday.
PS Husband gets in before 9pm but I can only manage not to be Hysterical Nag Bitch for about 2 hours!

Hi Kerry. We had v similar scenario with our littl'un. she would cry all day and only fall asleep in my arms or breastfeeding. Infacol helped but had to be used strictly ie every feed. The only thing you can really do is try to be supportive and extra loving and attentive to your new baby even though at times, you just think 'what have i done?'

At 9 weeks we saw improvement and at 12 weeks we started using the Contented Baby for feed times - lots of mums hate this book but if you pick out what you need it can help you put some structure to your day. after one week of the feed times, she naturally adjusted to the sleep and nap times also.

at 4 months it all just stopped almost overnight. as i'm going back to work soon, we started weaning at 19weeks and she is fine - no problems at all.

Sorry it's so long...

As a last comment, I asked my husband to change his hours at work as we're both up early with the baby anyway. Him coming home just an hour earlier is a massive help....

Its great your mum is helping kezzerroney.

Hope you get the all clear to drive soon too.

definitely recommend the crano osteopath; it helped my DS no end although it wasn't a miracle cure. When I look back on it (and this is probably rubbish) I just think DS hated being a baby. I had a long difficult labour with ventose delivery and I think he was fed up and in pain. The pay off Kezzar is when they become toddlers - a total breeze compared to a very unsettled newborn. I have lots of friends who are always complaining about tantrums etc etc and I think it must be pay back time because DS (3) is pretty laid back (and also I think that in comparison to 3 hours of solid screaming everyday the odd tantrum is bugger all!)
Your mum sounds fab BTW