I am really struggling right now

[Beoley2011]

I am sure I’m not the only person who is really struggling, but I just would like to share.
In the last few years I have lost so much, grandparents, parents other family members, friends. My 13 relationship with my son’s father has broken up due to him realising that he is gay. I had another relationship, a long distance relationship and a few of months ago it has also broken down greatly helped by the lockdown. More than likely that I will be losing my job soon.
I have a few close friends but I don’t want to tell them how low I am now as I know they are going through difficult time as well. I rather trying to check on them regularly and help them by being there for them. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to bare it on my own. I feel that I am not a very good mum for my son because of this. But he is the only reason why I haven’t given up yet. Trying to find a way out from this. The lockdown made me really isolated, lonely which makes it worse. I don’t want to be alone and eventually I would like to have a relationship but I find it so difficult to trust in anyone.

Op l am so sorry you are feeling so low, it is a difficult time for everyone, but it sounds like you have had a horrible run of things.

Give yourself time to adjust and grieve your losses, and then slowly pick yourself up. Talk to your friends, they will want to listen and help.

What l feel helps when things look tough all round, is to make the best contingency plan l can, put everything into place for peace of mind and then work out what small good things l can do daily to give a little pleasure.
I am horribly worried about my 2 school age children bringing Covid to my late 80's parents who live with us, but after an agonising summer trying to work out what to do ...l have to live with the horrible risk, alongside other worries too.
I only focus on one day at a time, today we are well, my children are being educated, and my parents are alive and happy. If l think further ahead it seems crushingly stressful.

Lowering expectations is also helpful, l feel lonely without seeing my friends, ( I am not taking any additional risks at the moment, and havent since March so no social events )
To compensate l never miss an opportunity to call them or take a call however busy l am. Small moments of happiness in my day.Yours may be a story with your son, little things can be enough.
Look at your lovely son and make fab memories with him, even if you feel lousy just do it anyway for him, get out on walks, pick blackberries, bake together.
Sometimes just getting by as calmly as possible is enough.

This too shall pass.

Thank you for reading my message and for the kind words Dragongirl10.

Hi Beoley, I'm sorry too that you have had so much to bear recently, it is bound to have an impact on you.

You should try and share the load with your friends, if you were my friend I would want to know you were struggling!

Be gentle on yourself, the world is a cruel place but love and hope remain.