My mum put me down lots growing up and then puts me up at times and after all I’ve been reading etc, then I genuinely think she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I’m the scapegoat child, I got that punch in the gut when I read what a typical scapegoat child has to put up with, it’s a horrible realisation and it makes sense as to why I am who I am.
I have been blamed for my little brother being born early and nearly dying (I was 16) to my mum nearly divorcing my put upon Stepdad, to my mum failing her driving test and the amount of people that know her well -yet only know me through what she says about me- all seem to hate me or just plain dislike me, is mental, she has also caused issues for me, had my so called friends calling her behind my back and telling her stuff about me and when I pulled my mum up she said “but I’m your mother and I have a right to know”, to which I replied “and I’m a fucking adult and a person in my own right, which you don’t seem to realise”, and as usual I got shut down, well not any more, I’m currently in the middle of writing her a very, very long letter to explain and to tell her if she doesn’t attend counselling with me then I’m cutting her off for good, I’ve already mentioned counselling to her and immediately she said “no way”, that’s because she can’t/won’t look to herself as the issue, but then narcissistic’s don’t do they.
Sorry to have derailed you OP with my stuff but I’m that stressed that I can’t help it, everyday for the past few weeks I’ve been pacing up and down in my house shouting out loud about all the things she has said and done to me and I’m getting really angry and the realisation that my mum is a manipulative liar and a crap mum, is awful
she is good, and always was, at the practical stuff like feeding me, going overboard at Xmas with me even though I’m an adult (she spends at least £400 on me every Xmas) and giving me money and it’s dawned on me that she has bought me and she buys people, when my brother brought home his boyfriend to meet her for the first time in the month of October in 2016, then she spent about £200 on him at Xmas, some will say “aw that’s nice” and it is but what’s her real motive I wonder, also she is so judgmental about others people and their “crap” parenting and I sit there whilst she criticised them and I just think “this woman has zero self awareness”, if any parents don’t spend lots of cash on their kids at Xmas then to my mother they are “shit” parents, she is also less uptight and angry since her mother died and I’m now starting to think her mother did exactly the same to her and there is no way I’m going to just wait until my mother dies to feel less stressed, some may think I’m being horrible but I think some here will understand where I’m coming from, no wonder my mums elder sister fucked off travelling at 18 and never looked back, no wonder she moved to England and only visited my grandmother every couple of years, I’m now beginning to understand my families dynamic, this is the aunty that dislikes me according to my mum, and when I see my aunty she doesn’t seem like she dislikes me at all, infact we are very alike, when my mum got pregnant at 17 and was dumped by my dad then my grandmother was worried “what the neighbours would say” so she wanted my aunty to raise me and I only wish she did as my cousins, my aunts kids, are far more successful and well rounded than myself and my brother.