How to recover from breakdown / MH crisis?

[Brokendownshire]

Can someone please help me?

I am in the midst of the most awful time in my life. I am so depressed I can barely cook dinner.

I have a lovely family and an amazing husband who is very worried about me.

I have been honest with my GP who suggested self referring for talking therapy. Which I did and it was awful. It didn’t help at all. I am only anti anxiety meds but only Propranolol 10mg.

My feelings seem to be fear / flight or fight / panic.

I know why this is and it’s irrational so I need to get rid of my thoughts. The trigger is situational but we can’t afford to make a change e.g sell and buy another house

Can anyone give me any advice? I am trying mindfulness etc. I have tried to take my own life many many years ago and I am worried.

I wake up every single day in panic. I rush to the toilet to be sick - every single day.

Has anyone got any advice about how to get rid of a lump in the throat from anxiety

This was one of my most horrible anxiety symptoms. I truly though I would suffocate sometimes, of course I wouldn't, but it felt like it. I could also barely eat because of it. Again, you need to burn off the cortisol and keep your mind occupied on other things. Sitting around and ruminating about how shit you feel only makes it worse.

Ive woken up in the night with so much worry I was dry heaving.

This morning I woke up and I was sick immediately.

This is ridiculous

You can do it, I promise. I have clawed my way back a few times. Was clearing out yesterday and found a Depression Recovery Plan I'd made. First thing was tell someone how you feel, the unedited version. I think I told my massage therapist first (!) then my doctor. Write a bullet list of how it is affecting your life. Well done for seeking a different doctor.
Second, medication. Not for everyone but sounds like a review is needed. Also 'medication' could be supplements e.g. magnesium, b6 and zinc together, are good for anxiety. Also healthy eating, foods like lamb (full of b6 and zinc), avocado etc. are good for anxiety- google and you will get lots of examples. Third was carve out time. I wrote 'if you don't do this (make time) you won't heal, you will only be held together', so time to relax, do small things etc. I can't remember the others but hope this helps with your anxiety. Mindfulness, grounding all help. In terms of getting rid of the thoughts, really be kind to yourself. Notice them, but try not to follow them too closely if that makes sense, just notice how intense they are. More intense = more relaxation and slowing down. You can rationalise the thoughts on paper which helps short term but the root cause of anxiety is imbalance so gentle exercise is good. Sometimes coming up with a plan to tackle the external problem helps, thinking outside the box, working towards a solution if it can't be fixed immediately, and sometimes we can't change it so we have to cultivate our own mindset. Anxiety means we are outside our comfort zone and that ultimately means growth so a small degree of it is ok, I think. Still figuring it out.

You got this.

Defo ask the doc for a blood test to rule out thryroid.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and that your GP is so shit!

For me, I found counselling the most helpful BUT, and it is a huge BUT, you have to find the right counsellor/therapist for you. And this isn't always easy but try not to let one bad experience out you off trying another and don't be afraid to speak up and request someone else if you are not connecting. I eventually found group psychotherapy which is facilitated by a psychotherapist and it is the best I've ever had.

Sending you a big virtual hug!

Thank you ladies.

I have just asked my husband to help me list my worries / panics every morning.

And then to debrief together before bed about the day.

Also I’m going to start ticking / crossing every day on my calendar so I can visually see the progress I am making.

I’m sure i have more good days than bad days and I’d like to see that clearly!

It is also worth listing the things you have achieved each day.

I was bereaved this year and am now on my own and I felt as though I was just drifting through every day and getting nothing done - I started noting down what I had done each day. It started with basic things like getting dressed and washed, eating, combing hair etc. etc. and after a while I realised that I was doing lots of things. Small achievements in difficult times, but achievements none the less.

It is helpful to be able to look back and see what you have achieved. It helps you to stop concentrating only on the bad moments during the day. And it might be that you will observe a correlation between the things that you are doing and your good/bad moments during the day.

You and your OH could then include some positive tings in your debrief.

Or even things!

Good luck.

@Mischance I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your encouragement. X

Had no luck with speaking to the doctors yesterday. New ones hadn’t put me on the system yet :(

Any tips for breaking the wake up and heave cycle? It’s not nice at all.

Waking up at mainly 5am now too

You poor thing op, it sounds really really hard.
I am not an expert, your medication needs a serious review, but in the meantime can you start your morning with headspace, even if you are feeling sick and heaving, just listen to the words - you don't even need to do anything.

Your cortisol levels need to come down, you are in a vicious circle. Start your day with a bath, listen to classical music, do not allow the news to be on in your house anywhere, try and bring the mood to a calmer, gentler state. Children need to be looked after by others for now. Every day you have a timetable:

Walk for 20 mins in fresh air, pref with dh or a friend
Eating fresh food every day
Headspace three times a day
Consider wild swimming - colder water would be better
Running
Muting social media
Sleeping in the afternoon for half an hour
Gratitude diary every evening

I don't think anything will be a magic bullet but all will help, and if you felt 5% better that would be something.

I found when my stomach churns, you might want to warm up a heat pad in the microwave and put it on your tummy. The comforting sensation of the heat worked

Thank you! What amazing advice. I’d love to try wild swimming.

I too read that the huge build up in cortisol which is causing that fight or flight panic can be burned off by 30 minutes of vigorous exercise. The last thing you probably feel like is going for a run, but if you could do it morning and evening I think you would see an immediate improvement. I assume your DH can't go with you because of childcare, but could you afford a physical trainer every morning for 5 days in a row? To get you out there and feel safe.
Also, have you had your blood tested recently? Particularly for vitamin D, as that can affect mood. Thriva do online tests if you don't think your GP will bother.

@DianaT1969 no blood tests since January. They are usually booked in every 12 weeks but lockdown happened & it’s gone to shit.

Every time I phone up they say if I don’t need urgent bloods then I can’t have them done

Also waiting for blood tests at Rheumatology in hospital for the last 6 months.

I haven’t been able to access much healthcare at all. Apart from one telephone appointment from my consultant and a few texts from my GP after using the online service.

I’ve had some call backs but there’s little they can do / see over the phone. I said I had lost a lot of weight and my GP said “well done!” (I am 8 stone 3)

Anyway, hopefully I’ll be registered with new GP super soon!

I do tend to have non existent iron. Real iron deficiency anaemia (not normal anaemia)

And I am sure anxiety is a sign I need an infusion but again - my previous GP didn’t seem phased / worried or bothered.

There’s not much else I can do until I have a new GP

I used to run 30 miles a week. I might try!

If you were seriously ill you would be looking after yourself really well to get better. The same approach is needed. Nothing should be too uch trouble. Your care, your needs have to come first. Your dh sounds supportive so you are half way there.

diana is right getting rid of the cortisol is the key. Your central nervous system will be like Oxford Street at christmas, you need to gently and very carefully bring everything down to dim the lights. Mediation, mindfulness (cliche but it works) walking for as long as possible outside, better still running. Exercise really does work. It is the one thing you need to force yourself to do.

If you have a garden, gardening is also known to help. Building something in your garden, so you are distracted from the stress that is pumping around your system. It will come down, I managed to do it without meds. Just continued to focus on the above. I was waking up at 2am and 3am every day, dry wretching, being sick every evening. The churning and the panic attacks were not pleasant, but they won't kill you. Try not to panic, this WILL pass. Accepting that for now, you feel like this, but you won't always

Also cold showers, sounds boot camp but the shock of the water is a great way to start the day x

If I wake up feeling anxious I say to myself, you are ok, you are safe and I try to breathe so that my stomach expands with the breath.