Feeling intense sadness for other people

[Mvshrln]

Does anyone else feel like this?

I know it's normal to feel sad, but it gets in my head too much. E.g. something sad happens to someone and I sort of take on their grief/sadness for them. I've done it before and it's been debilitating and I can't stop thinking about how sad someone must feel.

I don't think I'm describing it well, but it really takes over me.

It sounds like you could be an empath. I can feel that way sometimes too. It’s important to have strong boundaries as it can easily get overwhelming.

There is no such thing as an empath - it was a made up concept for a film.

Feeling other people's grief, sadness, hurt is a hardest one, because it can be seen in a couple of ways.

On the one hand, you think you're being empathetic and understanding of their hardship. However, to others, you may be making it all about you and that won't be received well.

How do you find these things affect you personally? I mean, are you quietly keeping the situation to yourself or do you find yourself sobbing if a celebrity dies? Or is it just if the person who is hurt is close enough to you?

I'm sorry, I probably sound unsympathetic, but I've experienced grief vampires who are in it for attention, but I totally understand the sadness experienced on behalf of or in sympathy with a loved one in pain.

I get this. It is NOT about making it about you.

It is usually due to unresolved painful issues that surface when you see another person in pain or distress.

I felt guilty and confused about this for years. A pyschiatrist told me this is sometimes how past issues manifest themselves. It’s like a funeral. Everyone you attend brings back all the other ones.

Being an empath is bollocks, it’s a mental health issue. I HATE having it

@SoddingWeddings Oh I totally get where you are coming from. I don't want to be this way at all and I'd be mortified if I was being perceived as a grief vampire (what a term lol).

This is why I posted it in the mental health section, as I know it isn't healthy for various reasons (makes me feel shit, isn't my grief to experience, can upset others if they perceive I am doing it for attention, isn't fair for the person actually going through the difficult time).

@DarlingCoffee I fully agree with the idea of boundaries, I just don't know how to set those up! D:

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince I think some people can feel empathy more strongly than others, and as long as there are boundaries as @DarlingCoffee said, then I don't think that is a bad thing at all. However as you say, this is a mental health issue (for me, which is why I posted in this particular forum) and I hate it too! That makes sense about it relating to unresolved issues actually. What fun, another thing for me to process and deal with lol!

As someone who has this too, if there is anyone in here who’s recieved treatment and had these feelings lessen or abate then please share as mine’s getting worse and not better as I age. X

@SoPanny sorry to hear you deal with this too. I too would definitely like to know how to deal with it! I hate feeling all sad and weepy when I see/hear things.

It's so interesting to see how others can perceive this though.

Mines getting worse too.

I’ve been referred for psychotherapy due to it.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t be empathetic, but l hate that term ‘empath’ most people have some degree of empathy.

But most people don’t find themselves hit by debilitating pain when seeing other people suffer.

Ooh - I find this topic so interesting. I used to read all about empaths, sensitivity etc and think I was one but now I also cringe at the term/label and believe that we all have the capacity for empathy. I also strongly agree that the way forward is to build up self resilience and boundaries of steel. I have not found this easy learning in any way as it has essentially blown all I believed out of the water.

SoPanny, antidepressants help a lot.

Hmmmmm, so do we have any tips on how to build resilience/create boundaries/stop my mind spinning stories and distressing thoughts?

Therapy was the thing that did it for me. A therapist who was able to stop following my stories and thoughts, no matter how badly I wanted her to come on an empath trip with me. Or perhaps if you are just able to notice when you are doing it and you can pull back from it. I couldn't do it alone though.

I used to feel like this. I hated it, resented it so much as everyone else didn’t seem affected (or they certainly gave that impression). It’s only when a few situations in my life began to hurt me (too personal to say) but that’s when I began to change. I now still feel for others but not half as much as I used to. Interesting subject...

So glad you raised this. I have been experiencing it and can't talk about it. Someone I know is going through the worst situation and it will affect someone who is very close to me like family. I can't even bring to say what in case I outmyself, this is how bad I feel! Thankfully I have been seeing a therapist which has helped.

@Leafy12

Therapy was the thing that did it for me. A therapist who was able to stop following my stories and thoughts, no matter how badly I wanted her to come on an empath trip with me. Or perhaps if you are just able to notice when you are doing it and you can pull back from it. I couldn't do it alone though.

This really makes sense! Like not following the stories etc. I've got a therapy session later this week so perhaps I will raise this then. Thank you x

@Whym It is an interesting topic isn't it, and I didn't realise/expect the view that this type of behaviour could be viewed as attention seeking or that it would raise the topic of whether being an empath is a thing or not! I'm sorry to hear things were so difficult for you, but it's good to hear that things aren't so bad now xx

@BlueBottles84 I'm sorry to hear things are tough for you :( I think I've not really spoken about this aspect of how I feel (eg feeling things really intensely) because it's so hard to describe and people can't really understand unless they've experienced it too. I'm glad you've got a therapist to talk things through to - I'm seeing mine this week too :) xx