Five years ago I joined a company and my boss was very helpful. He had a "sidekick" that i can only describe as an agressive rude bully. This started to distress me. After 3 months (at xmas) she told me privately that if it was up to her i would leave immediately, closely followed by our joint boss.
I had no choice and confronted him immediately and asked him if he would like me to resign? "Why?" he asked. So I told him everything. Including her opinion of him.
Someone got their arse kicked and it wasn't me or him. The panic that I felt through the next year sent me to my doc, who prescribed Sertraline. I started thrashing around in my sleep wearing myself out. Eventually she left the company. I continued using sertraline until i retired three years later.
After six months without sertraline i'd get three months of good, and one day of what i can only describe as deep depression. I've had bad days like we all have, but this was something else, falling off the edge. Logic, panic, rationale all gone. Convinced a disaster was afoot. Planning how to live my life without my partner, planning for a new home. Yes, drive myself into a brick wall. This happened three times before I picked up the courage to speak to my doctor. I was certain she would section me. I asked to go back on sertraline as it was to my mind a complete loss of seratonin in my system.
To my surprise i was put back on, but the thrashing sleep that i had experienced was happening again. It was the sertraline's side affect, not the stress of work. I had to come off sertraline as in the end i was being attacked by a demon in my dream. I crushed the demons hands and screamed myself awake, to find my wife under the most vicious attack, me.
the docter weaned me off sertraline and i am in the first week of sleeping better on a different medication. I do feel a whole lot better,. Apparently certain products increase the seratonin levels, so say taking me to a happier place. I do feel a whole lot better. I eat oat bread, salmon, peanuts and hobknobs (what an excuse). I now have a cup of green tea before bed and sleep a peaceful sleep.
I await two things now. Will my nightmares return? Will my partner allow me to move back into the room together at night?
I hope that this has helped anyone who has/is in the same position as me. I felt very alone. I did not tell my partner my experience. I had frightened her enough.
Take care all, and stay safe, and well