Anyone else struggling with remote therapy?

[glitteringfishy]

I’d been seeing my therapist for over three years, once or more often twice a week at her house until Covid happened. I didn’t think I would cope with switching to phone therapy (I can’t stand video calls) but initially I did. Now it’s been over 6 months and so sign of changing and I can’t do it anymore. I have C-PTSD, recovering from anorexia and struggle with dissociation and it’s got to a point where the phone sessions are feeling more traumatic than anything else. I struggle to speak, get into horrible conflict between different parts of myself and spend many sessions dissociated, then have meltdowns that last hours once she’s gone. Parts of me are hopelessly attached to her and the separation anxiety has become unbearable to the point that I’ve been actively suicidal. I’ve sent an email this morning saying I don’t think I can continue and I‘m terrified. I feel so alone with all of this and I just wondered if anyone could relate.

Have you been talking with her about all this? It's not the same as being in a room with your therapist - but that doesn't mean you can't work through some of this. After 3 years you must know each other pretty well. Is just stopping in an unplanned way likely to be better? It needs thinking about.

Yes, I’ve been talking to her about it, but it’s difficult because I tend to switch between different parts in sessions and often can’t verbalise what I need to. So it’s very complicated. She’s about to go on a 2 week break which I know Is exacerbating things and I’m aware that just suddenly stopping isn’t advisable but I’m at a point where it’s doing more harm than good I think.

Following as I had some of this. It is quite hard to make it focused over the phone. I think its also not having any sign of CV being over. Plus our physical world is smaller.

Mine ended after a couple of months and thought I would be ok but I am not and have just requested a couple more sessions with them.

Sorry you’re struggling too @BlueBottles84. I think you’re right about the hopelessness of no end in sight with Covid. And our worlds being smaller too, I’ve become hugely isolated as have struggled to come out of lockdown at all really. Just can’t face the reality of the world. Hope having some more sessions is helpful for you.