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Help urgently needed for DH

4 replies

urgento · 09/09/2020 09:54

Namechanged as potentially outing. Sorry this is long.

I could really do with some advice and help for my DH. He's had some big knocks over recent years - various career and work stresses/disappointments, coupled with an ongoing upsetting situation with his parental family which has been something he's had to cope with for several years now.

We have a good strong marriage and a happy family unit with our own kids. However, the Covid situation has led to yet more career and financial uncertainty, and last night he admitted he's been struggling to cope - even had some very dark thoughts. He says he'd never actually harm himself, but has had thoughts along the lines of 'wouldn't it be easier if I wasn't here?'

I've known he's been struggling and his confidence is at an all time low. Obviously to hear him he's felt this way, even fleetingly, is obviously devastating. Sad

Whilst I've been pushing for him to talk to someone for a long time, he's always dismissed the idea of therapy. He's from a very 'stiff upper lip' background and tends to bury his head in the sand and soldier on. Last night, thank GOD, he's finally decided he needs some professional help with his mental health.

Sorry to ramble, but I wonder what the next best step is. I had therapy myself years ago, but this was private. Right now we'd struggle to pay those sort of fees. Aware we could get referrals through the NHS, but doesn't this take a long time? Also, having had therapy myself and several close friends who have experienced similar, I'm aware that it's so important to find the right therapist.

I've had some recommendations, who might take NHS patients, but can you be referred to a particular therapist of your choosing (much as in the way you might be able to choose a certain hospital for treatment, say)?

I'd really love any thoughts and advice. I'm still reeling from the conversation we had.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 09/09/2020 09:58

His GP might be the best place to start. Hope things start to improve very soon.

growinggreyer · 09/09/2020 10:00

Contact his GP as a first port of call. You can self-refer in some areas and they would be able to advise you of this. I believe the first thing offered is CBT which could help if he is suffering from intrusive thoughts about suicide which he is feeling unlikely to act on. He would get a 6 or 8 week course.

urgento · 09/09/2020 10:21

Thank you @TokyoSushi. I am shocked and saddened by our conversation last night but I'm pleased and relieved he's finally acknowledged that he needs some help.

@growinggreyer - do you mean you can be referred to particular therapists via your GP? We've had a close friend recommend someone who we think would be great for DH.

OP posts:
user1471442458 · 09/09/2020 10:46

Been on here a few years but never ever posted. Easter weekend my son attempted to cut his wrists ( he had no purpose in living apparently),a friend of his online called the police ,it was a huge shook to us all as we didn't know that he was struggling . The police gave us a number for the mental health team and that same day we rang them and with their help got him to talk with them ,same day rang doctors and got anti depressants,they kept in touch with him for 4 weeks and the doctor rang every two weeks for updates ,because he went on universal credit and was under 25 he got help from a local center and his now with a mental help team in Hull . We have bad days and good days ,my life has now changed and I am constantly listening out for him and we have had to cut short a holiday as I just couldn't settle ,I hid all the knifes and tablets and I cry most days .Please get him the help he deserves,it can get really hard for the family . We are the lucky ones ,the help for him was there and I look at him and can see if he is having a good or bad day .We talk as we are close and he is to keep a diary of his feelings,I think because the police got involved it was easily obtained with the help he is getting .This is my story ,I am so lucky to have my son here and I respect that others are struggling to cope and get the help they need , Putting this to you on Mumsnet is my first step to dealing with mental health and I can't thank the mental health team enough for the support my son has been getting ,it's a long road but we will get there in the end I hope .

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