Crashed & burned

[Bence69]

I’ve no idea why I’m here writing this but I just feel like I’ve hit a fucking brick wall & my body is just waiting to fall to bits. I feel like I walk around feeling numb with a head full of fog most of the time. A divorce with a complete arsehole who has turned everyone against me even my own family. A son of 14 with serve autism who is becoming more of a challenge every morning he wakes up. A 11 yr old daughter who I feels hates the sight of me all with the menopause chucked in when I was 28. I’m also 8 months sober and feeling every raw emotion that I makes with the booze. I took the step to ring my GP today & tonight I just feel completely broken.

I found that when I admitted I needed the GP I fell apart. I guess I finally let go of all the balls I was juggling and accepted I wasn't well. But I was a mess only for a little bit. The GP gave me everything I needed to pretty quickly get better. It was hard but taking that step to reach out to the GP was very important. Just take that step.

So sorry to hear this, that sounds unbelievably hard! To lose the good opinion of your own family, that's awful. 😟
I bet your daughter will look back on this time one day in the future, and see just how much you held things together for your children and just how much love that takes. Small consolation now I'm sure, but that innate teenage selfishness is not personal even though it must be the final straw, and she won't always see things from that viewpoint. Talk to her as much as you can anyway, if she knows she matters and your really trying, that must count for something deep inside her..
I hope the gp can get you the right help. Subs like you need someone to listen to you and put into you so it isn't all going out. Running on empty is unsustainable and horrible to live with.
I wish I had more to offer than paltry crumbs and sympathy.
Take any RL support where you can get it, you deserve and need to have some.

Thank you both for the kind words means so very much. I’m waiting for my GP to call me back. Life is so bloody hard sometimes but you really never know how strong you are till you have to be. X

I hope you get a nice and supportive GP @Bence69, that is critical. If you don't get the help you need for this one, don't be afraid to try another.

@Happyspud

I hope you get a nice and supportive GP *@Bence69*, that is critical. If you don't get the help you need for this one, don't be afraid to try another.

Thank you x He was lovely and had phone me everyday since I’ve spoken to him to check in on me xx

Bence69 - what a great GP!

Hope today hasn't been especially difficult for you.

When I think about the difficult times in my life the ones where I was driven to the edge were always those where I was essentially soldiering on alone, it sounds like you are very much in that situation which is not natural for humans, while you are busy keeping the wheels on the wagon and upholding the family unit who is upholding you?

Do you have any good friends who you can vent to at least?

I wonder if there are groups locally for people in your situation, divorce, parent of SEN child, single parent... many people share these experiences on one level or another, if physical meet ups can't happen maybe online support (not the same I know), there is always here of course...

Is there any hope of reconciliation with your family?

and by the way... well done on staying sober despite everything you describe - that is no small achievement!

Thank you for the lovely message. I have two girlfriends who have been my rock the past 2 years and not sure I would still be here if it wasn’t for them. No hope in getting my family back on side they have all walked away from me. Xx

Hi OP, how have you been today?

Ok thank you. I’ve started on some antidepressants & going to see how it goes. Taking each day at a time at the minute. I’ve also been out for a run every morning this week which is helping I think x

Wow! That's a positive coping mechanism, I'm impressed you've found the energy and time to do that given your situation... Not sure I would be so disciplined, and I like running.
Sorry to hear your family are a no-go now, how brilliant to have two loyal friends though, thank goodness for that.
Good luck with the meds, your coping with a lot so anything that can help is a good thing.