I posted last night here about how I was feeling and today is exactly the same. I got some lovely replies back so thanks to those who replied but it's just nice to come on here and get everything out in the open, off my chest - something I would never do in RL.
One thing that bugs me is that everyone (especially my mother) seems to overlook the fact that i'm depressed. Last night I was in floods of tears, she asked, really abruptly what was wrong, I told her loads of things were on my mind, she huffed angrily, walked off and slammed the door behind her. I am really on the edge. I don't mean to upset anyone but I was doing the pots last night and got a knife to my wrist. I really wanted to end it and dug the knife in but was scared of the pain before I might die. I've taken overdoses, about 4 since January, my only saving grace is probably my weight which means the tablets didn't effect me the way it would a thinner person. I'm 20, still young and I want to feel like I want to live, but feel it would be better I died and was with people who really meant something to me and who I know where the only people I meant something to. I am tired of being ignored in my own house. I may as well be invisible. The other nag I have is that my mother has a step-son from her partner who lives away with grandparents and other extended family. They are going to see him soon and she has bought loads, and I mean loads of toys and gifts for him and my step-fathers family and constantly thinking of ways to impress them. I think they're all she thinks about and I must admit I am envious of them, how they get all her attention and I get zero. I am crying out for help. I need it when all I think about is how I can commit suicide effectively but i'm just pushed aside as a nobody. Even if I'm in a room at home, no one comes in to sit with me. When I go in the room, they go to another room. I'm not depressive around people, I am aware that may put them off, but I smile, I'm happy and I joke around, having a laugh. I can't concentrate on my studies anymore. It's an animal care course, long-distance learning through computer so I dont get to socialise there. I want to become a vet. Thats my aim in life, probably my one reason to live as I am very good at it (singing my own praises ) but I just wish I had one person in RL to know I can trust, to talk to etc but no. I am constantly alone. Like I mentioned, this is just to get it off my chest so I don't mind if no-one replies. Thanks for 'listening' to my tales of woe though!