This time of year makes me ill

[Summerbreeze86]

From now until after Christmas the anxiety goes into overdrive.
I think it’s partly linked from being bullied at school and having to go back in the September and then much later on in life my daughter was born two months prematurely in December. I’d spent much of September to December in and out of hospital.
The darker mornings and evenings, the specific events like Halloween, bonfire night and Christmas, all make me so anxious. The smell of autumn and the crisp mornings.
By January I feel slightly better but essentially a third of the year I really struggle.
Any suggestions?

Have you thought about a light box/daylight lamp? it wont take your problems away but might hello you be mentally stronger to deal with them.

Also therapy if you can access it or that's not possible working through your stuff on your own with trusted people and good books?

I feel more anxious around this time of year too. Without intending to, this year I began some healthy routines in August - healthy eating, bit more exercise - and I think this has helped.

That's a long time to feel anxious OP. It's good that you understand why but have you considered CBT or any other therapy so you can look at ways that these associations with Autumn don't trigger you?
Could be worth a try.

I have a similar problem OP. I left school 25 years ago but I still feel anxious and sick in September. I still feel afraid of teenagers in the street or on the bus. Any noise that sounds like the alarm clock that used to wake me up for school gives me a panic attack. I truly believe it’s PTSD and should be treated as such.

I’ve always disliked September for the same reasons.

Me to OP. From the minute my DC go back to school, to literally....Boxing Day. Then my mood lifts dramatically, and I look forward to the weather getting better, and no more talk of Xmas for at least another 300 odd days. I know WHY I feel like it...I just don't know HOW to sort it...

Me too, OP. I have a serious depressive feeling especially around Christmas - like I’m all alone and profoundly lonely. Ridiculous, esp now as I have a family of my own! It's likely SAD, but I do sympathise.