Historic incident really playing on my mind

[dogdaysareover]

20 year ago, I was at a very crowded, large-scale event. Seems odd now with sd but the crowd was so dense that it was impossible to move or turn around - think a kind of crowd crush scenario. I was wearing a short skirt and someone behind me put their hand up my skirt and basically inserted their fingers inside of me. I just kind of froze, couldn't have turned around or moved so I just stood there. I was with my boyfriend and a big crowd of (mainly his) friends so I didn't say anything and the night proceeded. I haven't really thought about it much since then - it was years ago and obviously long before metoo, I just kind put it down to 'one of those things'. But it is recently really playing on my mind. I couldn't sleep at all last night thinking about it. I am so angry. I have no idea why I have started to fixate on it - there is literally nothing I can do about it. I am seeing a therapist at the moment about a completely unrelated issue. I am wondering whether I should try to talk about this incident or whether I would be opening a massive can of worms. It's one of those things that can't be unsaid and I don't know if I want to put it out there irl.

Oh gosh, how horrible for that to have happened to you OP.
I don’t have any experience of anything like this but lockdown has caused lots of things to come back up to the surface for me.
I think if you are talking with a counsellor already, it might help to discuss this. Especially if you are fixating on it, there are feelings there that you might need to work through. Have you told anyone else irl?

Similar happened to my friend in a club about 10 years ago. She was very traumatised and angry. I think you should talk about it as it may help you.

When I was in hospital to have my baby I was induced, the male doctor literally shoved his arm, not just hand up my vagina, without any notice, he had a big grin on his face too. I think about it from time to time and feel angry that I didn't say anything but I was so tired by that time.

This happened to me when I was younger too, similar scenario, dark, packed bar and people pressed up together, I was quite young and unsure at the time so completely blanked and pretended it wasn’t happening at the time. I think I would react very differently if it happened now but have just put it down to a man being a disgusting cretin and that being on him and not me. If you feel as if you want to talk about it and kind of offload it’s completely understandable. Maybe try an anonymous helpline if you don’t want to share with your boyfriend or people who were there at the time? There are people trained to help you unpick this is you need them. Sorry this happened.

Thank you for your replies. How horrible that this is something that commonly happens; I'm so sorry for everyone else who experienced this. I just keep thinking I will never know who this person was, what was his face like? Did he plan it or was it opportunistic? How many others did he do this to on that evening? It is making me feel so angry because I can never ever know and yet he "knew" me intimately - if that makes sense? I think I will speak to my therapist about it - I was kind of posting on here to see how I would feel confronting the issue and I realise now that I need too. Thank you xx

I think that would be a good plan OP.

This may not be the case for you, but sometimes our brains play tricks on us. If they don't want to address something uncomfortable (whatever it is you are working with a therapist for), they throw up something else to fret about as a distraction.

Obviously what happened was nasty and shouldn't have happened. I just wondered whether the timing of it surfacing now might be related to something else you may be trying to side step.

Only you know! I could be totally off the mark!