PND/sleep deprivation/insomnia and bereavement

[Purpleburple123]

I think I've been suffering from pnd since DS was born 9 months ago. I came off sertraline in pregnancy (as had wanted to for a while so being pregnant was a good excuse to try. Had been taking for mild anxiety). Everything seemed fine with mood in pregnancy.
Then sleep deprivation set in as it does when baby arrives but felt very anxious too. with insomnia. I put it down to hormones.
I have been ebf and son isn't a good sleeper so I've not had more than a 6 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep once or twice in 9 months. All other nights woken every 2-3 hours and no respite in the day as he only naps for 30/45 mins.
Then 4 months ago my brother in law took his own life which has been a huge shock to family and my anxiety has shot up. Plus lots of travelling (3/4hour drives) to in-laws to assist with funeral etc.
I reached out to H/V and she has supported with sleep training which has improved things a bit and put me on the waiting list for counselling 4-6 week and referred me to Gp who has just prescribed sertraline again.

I'm really worried about what the side effects will do to me when I start taking the sertraline as I'm in such a low place. I can't cope with my insomnia getting worse. My mood swings from ok to really low every day. I'm not feeling suicidal or anything and would never do anything to put my baby at risk. Husband is supportive but I feel so guilty that I can't support him with his grief right now (for his brother) and I think that's manifesting as me feeling angry at him.
I just want to be alone and get my self sorted out which I know isn't what I really need. I'm more of a introvert and he's an extrovert and wants to talk things through all the time.
Also we plan to move house and relocate to near parents in a few months - house just gone on market. So I'm anxious about how I will summon the energy to get everything sorted out.
Just wondering if anyone has been through similar feelings with pnd and how they coped going onto antidepressants.
I can't see an end to things at the moment and feel such a failure.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time. PND is the worst, and with a bereavement and possibly house move on top, anyone would be struggling. Plus feeling guilty about it must make it even worse.

I started sertraline for the first time 3 weeks postpartum, I was really depressed, really suddenly after the birth. In all honesty, i has two awful awful weeks when I first started, where everything seemed worse and really struggled to keep going. Then I had maybe 4 weeks where I just felt very numb to everything. Then about six weeks in I really started feeling a lot better and more motivated and positive.
Other than meds has the GP been helpful? Are there any perinatal mental health services or IAPT services in your area? Sometimes GPs aren’t across all the available services, and as a postnatal woman you should be seen quicker than most.
Could you talk to your husband about your feelings? Even though he is grieving, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be struggling too. Maybe it would even help to both be able to acknowledge that this is a shitty time?
Does your partner have a support network outside of you? I found that when I felt really bad the last thing I wanted was to be depended on by anyone, so made sure my husband had friends to talk to. It’s hard being the strong one, and much more so if you have PND.
It will be ok, truly. Accept that it’s a crap time. Accept help, medication, therapy, babysitting, anything. Also know that all the sleeping thing does get better. Soon your baby will be weaned, and they just change slowly and you get more of your life back. Good luck- time is your friend here x

@Anewmum2018

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time. PND is the worst, and with a bereavement and possibly house move on top, anyone would be struggling. Plus feeling guilty about it must make it even worse.

I started sertraline for the first time 3 weeks postpartum, I was really depressed, really suddenly after the birth. In all honesty, i has two awful awful weeks when I first started, where everything seemed worse and really struggled to keep going. Then I had maybe 4 weeks where I just felt very numb to everything. Then about six weeks in I really started feeling a lot better and more motivated and positive.
Other than meds has the GP been helpful? Are there any perinatal mental health services or IAPT services in your area? Sometimes GPs aren’t across all the available services, and as a postnatal woman you should be seen quicker than most.
Could you talk to your husband about your feelings? Even though he is grieving, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be struggling too. Maybe it would even help to both be able to acknowledge that this is a shitty time?
Does your partner have a support network outside of you? I found that when I felt really bad the last thing I wanted was to be depended on by anyone, so made sure my husband had friends to talk to. It’s hard being the strong one, and much more so if you have PND.
It will be ok, truly. Accept that it’s a crap time. Accept help, medication, therapy, babysitting, anything. Also know that all the sleeping thing does get better. Soon your baby will be weaned, and they just change slowly and you get more of your life back. Good luck- time is your friend here x

Thank you so much for your message it really lifted me! I have stalled taking sertraline as I read in the information leaflet that there is a risk taking it when breastfeeding. I don't want to give up breastfeeding yet and DH is not keen on me taking the pills while breastfeeding due to the small risk to baby. I can go back to Gp to explore other pills but I'm a bit reluctant as I am used to sertraline from the past and know what to expect with it. I'm reaching out more to girl friends and trying to find a counsellor who I can see earlier than 4-6 weeks. Unfortunately the relationship with my husband is still strained and he has become angry with me a couple of times in the last few days which is not like him at all. I try to be open with him but I find myself just retreating into a shell and not wanting to talk or discuss things. I find myself feeling so angry at everything: his parents, him, myself, my brother in law, the health system. I didn't expect these emotions to be so strong. The lack of sleep doesn't help.

Hi Op, hope this is reassuring re setraline and bf: www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/antidepressants/
Hope things improve for you soon x

Hi OP I took Sertraline throughout pregnancy, had terrible PND and my dose was upped.
I bf my DS until he was 2 and 3/4 only stopping at Easter and ebf until he was on solids. If you are feeling this way I would recommend that you do take the Sertraline and go back to GP asking for something sooner. Otherwise I would try and speak to someone at PANDAS as they are brilliant.
You're doing all the right things through a shit time xx

Insomnia was a huge problem for me when taking sertraline also, although I had no idea it was the sertraline/hormones were the cause. I started taking it in the morning as soon as I woke and that helped a bit. Although I still go through cycles of insomnia, coinciding with my menstrual cycle, so I'm guessing hormones play a huge part in it all. Have your periods returned yet as you're still breastfeeding? Even if they haven't, it can be a massive rollercoaster of hormones and emotions with a new baby and all you've gone through lately. Not to mention what's happening with the world 🥺 massive hugs to you and like others have said, reach out and lean on people if you can. Xx

@Mumofcats5

Hi OP I took Sertraline throughout pregnancy, had terrible PND and my dose was upped. I bf my DS until he was 2 and 3/4 only stopping at Easter and ebf until he was on solids. If you are feeling this way I would recommend that you do take the Sertraline and go back to GP asking for something sooner. Otherwise I would try and speak to someone at PANDAS as they are brilliant. You're doing all the right things through a shit time xx

Thank you I will definitely look into this

@natnev

Insomnia was a huge problem for me when taking sertraline also, although I had no idea it was the sertraline/hormones were the cause. I started taking it in the morning as soon as I woke and that helped a bit. Although I still go through cycles of insomnia, coinciding with my menstrual cycle, so I'm guessing hormones play a huge part in it all. Have your periods returned yet as you're still breastfeeding? Even if they haven't, it can be a massive rollercoaster of hormones and emotions with a new baby and all you've gone through lately. Not to mention what's happening with the world 🥺 massive hugs to you and like others have said, reach out and lean on people if you can. Xx

Yes hormones definitely play a large part. My periods have returned and were always irregular. The last one I had was so heavy and I had cramps for a week before, also sickness especially in the mornings. I thought I was pregnant again and had to take a test! The Gp also prescribed the mini pill which I assume would regulate hormones.

The mini pill can mess with your hormones as well. It didn't do my depression any good but we are all different, it may work well for you. I also think sertraline or perhaps another form of antidepressant could work for you, and there's nothing wrong with taking them if it does. Xx

The pill can play havoc with mental health, it might be worth trying a non hormonal method of contraception to see if that helps. I'm sorry your DH hasn't been great, why did he get angry with you?
PND can be really hard without all the other stuff at the same time. Wishing you better times ahead.