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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

please please help me i am so so desperate!

16 replies

babyalfie · 05/10/2007 12:54

Well I am 37 and have a family 17, 15, 6. I have been depressed for the past few months due to my daughter being ill and having come out of a long term relationship.

I have met a new man and we get on so well although my eldest son and daughter cannot accept him. I have found out I am now pregnant and I have been taking citroplan for the past 5 weeks.

My new partner is 49, me 37 and i do not know which way to turn. I feel like running away. I am about 6 weeks I guess. Please any hel

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 05/10/2007 12:55

do you want a baby? i think you can still take AD's in pregnancy, if thats your concern?

LoveMyGirls · 05/10/2007 12:56

Hi , don't panic, when did you find out?
First things first make an appt with your gp so he can advise on ad's and confirm the pregnancy (though im sure you will be sure enough yourself!).

LoveMyGirls · 05/10/2007 12:58

Your eldest children will come around soon enough when they realise what makes you happy will make them happy too. They are probably worried about having less time with you if they have got used to you being single, ask them what they would like to do with just you and slowly work on bringing your new man into their lives more and more.

Original poster

babyalfie · 05/10/2007 13:14

Oh no the oldest children will not come round. yes I do or should I say I do want the baby but so scared what other people will think. My parents will disown me as we come from a 'proper' family if you know what I mean. I am also worried about my age, my partners age etc... and all the things against me. Oh god I am so mixed up... I sto[pped taking tablets 3 days agao when found out pregnant.

Thanks for help.

OP posts:

Original poster

babyalfie · 05/10/2007 13:16

Oh would also like to add my teenage daughter is ill at the moment and in and out of hospital which is a factor which also worries me. In a way I feel happy but yet in another sad. I have been up all night worrying.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 05/10/2007 13:17

at the age of 37 , you can decide what you want

do not terminate this pregnancy because other people would expect it , if this is not what you want.

don;t suddenly stop ADs without medical advice, as you can end up feeling a lot worse.

see your GP urgently

discuss with your partner, and it is his and ultimately your feelings that should decide this, not your older chldren or parents

Original poster

babyalfie · 05/10/2007 13:36

I know this but I feel very iressponibel for this knowing that my daughter is very unsatble. I did ask the doctor to go on the pill but she said not while on anti d's and i hade to make an appointmnet for a few weeks time. I have been using contraception though!
I do feel very miserbale but yet happy. I am also very over weight which is another bad thing against me. My partner is happy to do what ever i decide and is with me all the way. He only thought at 49 he would be an old daddy and not be able to play football etc when the child is 10... My gust instinct is to keep my baby but then i get another feeling to terminate it even though I know I would be doing this for everybody else and not me but nobody will agree with it at all.

Again thanks so much

OP posts:

DumbledoresGirl · 05/10/2007 13:42

I can't help with other aspects of this problem, but I couldn't read your posts and not say that your age is not really a huge issue. You obviously had your first children young and maybe you feel you should be past the time where you are caring for babies, but rest assured, lots of women don't even start their families until they are your age. I had my first child when I was 31 and my fourth when I was 38. I guess I do have less energy now than when I was in my 20s, but I am not really aware of that.

WRT your partner, I just wanted to say this. My sister and her husband adopted a second child in August. She is 2 and both sis and BIL are nearly 48. Sure, they are older than most, but they are not unique in having young children at this time in their lives and neither will your partner. I hope that reassures you a bit on the age front.

Lulumama · 05/10/2007 13:48

some friends of our have just had their 4th child at age 39 & 49 respectively

perfectly straightforward pregnancy and a homebirth.

definitely speak to doc re ADs though

scorpio1 · 05/10/2007 13:58

Please, do not have a termination unless its your wish. Don't do it for anyone else.

Original poster

babyalfie · 06/10/2007 07:37

Thanks for all advice

OP posts:

ChipButty · 06/10/2007 07:53

Speaking to GP is a priority. I really hope everything works out for you. xx

Original poster

babyalfie · 07/10/2007 11:23

Well over the weekend I decided I was going to get rid of the baby but today I have been on my own and really do not think I can but then I think I have to think about my family etc and I must do... god I wish this would all just go away.

My daughter is under the hospital as she has anorexia and we go three times aweek to see a psychologist-this would mess her up even more and I must think of her. Her elder sister said if I ever got pregnant she would leave home.
I also worry what people will say. I have never slept around but at the moment have three children to two fathers and this would mean I would have three to three diferent fathers. I am in charge of the school PTA and run lots of other organistaions for kids and i know it sounds silly but so scred what people would think of me if i kept the baby. Firstly though I need to find out if the baby is okay I guess as I have been on anti d's and have not eaten well for the past few months and had wine 3/4 times a week with meals. I am also 37 so quite old. I am also a carrier of cystic fibrosis so will need an amnio test but cannot rember what stage they are given?

whay do u all think?

OP posts:

BarbieLovesKen · 07/10/2007 11:43

Hello, firstly, please, please dont terminate this pregnancy unless you really really want to. You stated that your gut instict is to keep it. I think you should always go by this. Forget what other people think... I have learned this. Yes, they may talk about you for a week or so but pretty soon someone else will be gossiped about and you will be old news.

Regarding your family - yes - they may take it badly BUT more often than not, even in what may seem to be a bad situation, when the baby is born - alot will change. More often than not they will not not be able to love it.

I would be concerned that if you are suffering from depression and go through a termination because of what others may think/ say/ feel, and not because of what YOU want, it may have a terrible long term effect on you and you have to remember you will be no good for your daughter should this happen.

Regarding your age, I dont think you have cause for huge concern - my aunt had her third at 42 with no complications. I would however echo what everyone else has said and advise you go see your gp immediately.

About your partners age, how about looking at that as a positive as opposed to a negative? he is wiser, has life experience, maturer - all of which are definately plus' when becoming a father.

I really hope you are ok and dont make any rash decisions based on what others think.

I wish you and your children all the luck in the world.

Original poster

babyalfie · 07/10/2007 12:38

oh thanks so much for alovely reply my partner has just been upto see me and have told him I may have changed my mind but he said remeber we have made the decision so I think he wants me to ahead with the termination. I feel this would be the easy way out and now it would be over and done with and then I can get on with my life if you know what I mean.

Yes my partne ris a lot older and wiser but to be honest he is not a 'family hands on man' if you know what I mean like I am as a mother. His wife died when his son whi is now 9 was 3 so he has done as good as he can. I value eduaction, quality time with the children, reading etc and that is low priority to him. He is lovely though and will do anything for my family.

I feel life is so calm at the moment though and do not know how to tell the children so really think I have to get rid of the baby and have no choice to be honest.
I also have a four bedroomed house so it would mean he baby sharing with me as the girls have th rooms in the attic divided.

Again I am going to see gp on Friday and have a good chat with her and will let you know the outcome.

Again thanks for being so sensative and as i write I wish i could tell people and just be happy!

OP posts:

PASTIT · 07/10/2007 12:57

Agree with everyone that decision is yours and yours alone and I sincerely hope that you family will support you whatever you decide.
Hope your GP has the time to give you the support and advice you need but if you're still unsure after your Friday appointment don't forget there are other agencies that can help too like Marie Stopes International UK who offer non- judgemental advice and support.

Flip