I'm not ok

[lilfoxfur]

Nc for this

I'm not ok. I have a dr appointment today but I'm not sure what to to say.

My life revolves around alcohol. I get panicked if I can't have it. I drink wine from morning till night probably about a bottle a day over a day.

I have intrusive thoughts. My dnan died in March and I picture it a lot. How she looked at the end. Today I've been crying remembering my now 10yo ds and how I took him into hospital when he was 9 days old for being responsive. I didn't hold him. They took his blanket off and he was cold and screaming and I walked away and left my now exh to it. I didn't comfort my baby.

I'm a terrible mum. I left my exh for another man when ds was 3. I let my ex take primary custody. I didn't fight. It was useless trying to fight that man. I'm a bad wife. I'm not really interested in my Dh. I'm not really interested in anything. I had a stepdaughter I loved. She's 12. I haven't seen her in a year. She disowned us. I've never had any reason or explanation for it.

I crave something to love. Something that's with me all the time. I just want my son to love me and not hate me for all the poor choices I have made.

I have hypochondria. I read about a disease and I think I have it. At the moment I have (self diagnosed) trigeminal neuralgia, ms, motor neurone disease, fibromyalgia and more.

I am truly exhausted. I wish I could just sleep and not wake up.

What should I say to the dr? None of this is ok is it?

You sound like you're having a really hard time but you're looking for help and that's a very positive step. Why not write down what you want to say to the doctor or read them your OP? Is it w face to face appointment or telephone? If it's face to face then you could hand them a note. If it's telephone say you've written down how you're feeling and you'd like to read it to them.

Show them the post you just wrote
You can get help, you are ill and they can help you feel better. I bet your DH loves you. Talk to him. Have a cuddle. Good luck op

It is a face to face appointment. I'm just worried the dr will think I'm mad

Definitely say everything what's on your mind! Or as pp suggested, show doctor this thread. You wrote on here so I believe you want to get help, you want to get better.

Definitely not ok for you to feel like this.
You need help, I agree show your doc what you’ve written. Good luck and well done for taking this important step.

They won't think you're mad at all. I know how hard it can be to talk about an illness you can't see. It's so much easier to say here's my broken leg, fix it please. This is just as important as a broken leg, if not more so. If your GP is worth their salt you'll be believed and supported. I was.

Read out your post to the GP. They will appreciate your honesty and because you've been completely open they'll be able to get you the help you need.

I'm sure you're not expecting overnight transformation, but even a bit of hope from the appointment will surely be better than the unhappiness you're experiencing?
I hope it goes well with the GP.

You deserve happiness.

Thank you everyone I appreciate you taking the time to reply

Good luck, I hope it goes well

What time is your apt?

If you haven't already been, definitely just show them your post if you can't read it out.

They'll see that you need help, but they won't think you're 'mad'.

Yes, you've made some regrettable choices, but there's still plenty of time to turn things around & be the mum you want to be for your DS.

Depression is exhausting AND you are grieving your nan, whilst going through a dreadful pandemic making everything weird.

Let us know how you get on at the Drs 🌷

My appointment is at 3.40, I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you.

Thinking of you OP. You are very brave in taking that step and I hope it goes well for you this afternoon

It went ok. The dr prescribed me antidepressants and is going to put me in touch with alcohol support and a bereavement counsellor. It's going to be a long road.

Well done! It will be a long road, but you're already on the way.

Take all the help that is offered. Accept that it might be tough at times. But your life could well look so much sunnier in 6 months.

Yes well done. How are you feeling today?

Just checking in OP with and