I have left my narcissist husband after 15 years together and two children. It took me 10 years to get the courage to do this along with recent therapy. I felt awful living with him. But now I feel suicidal without him I’m struggling to get through each day. We are still in contact because of the kids and everything seems amicable. His mum said she knows he is desperate to come back home. I miss him so much. I’m starting to wonder if he was even that bad. And I just miss him and having another adult in the house. But he used to be so controlling over me, no empathy, everything about him, he had cheated before, gambled etc. But he also had good points like he could back me up with dc now they are not listening to me. I miss his hugs. I feel terrible, I had dreamt of this day of leaving and instead of feeling relief I feel suicidal and I’m four weeks out of the relationship . I’m not sure I’m strong enough to break the trauma bond. I messaged him tonight and said to come round for Sunday lunch tomorrow because it would be nice for the kids. I’m such an idiot