Depressed due to circumstance. Don’t know what to do.

[Newusernamex10000]

I’ve had an awful run of luck over the past three ish years. DH has been long term unemployed. Got a good job just before Covid hit and the offer was rescinded.

We also found out our first baby had a chromosomal and heart condition around the same time. Deciding whether to keep the baby was heart rending and caused a lot of strain with my family who wanted to terminate.

Now baby is here and doing well but I am constantly anxious about how he will turn out. At the same time I am traumatised by thoughts of the termination if we’d have done it (would have had to have gone through feticide and still birth as he was 26 weeks - hospital completely screwed up the scans and we only had an amnio at that point). We have very little money and are also in a one bedroom flat.

DH feels hopeless as he is not providing so I have to try and be chipper for him and for the baby but I just feel so drained and depressed. We also keep fighting a lot. I feel like I am living someone else’s life - like I took the wrong path somewhere and ended up in a different dimension. I know that sounds mad and self indulgent and that shit has to happen to someone so why not me.

Friend from school has just had a baby and sent a message to the group chat saying ‘baby passed all health checks and i am headed home in half an hour’! Made me cry as it mirrored my announcement from a few months ago in a horrible twisted way - basically ‘baby has a lifetime illness and will be in the NiCU for a long time’

I feel like I am only now processing all the trauma of the past few months but it’s not even over. I don’t want to go on anti depressants - I have before but this is circumstance, not a chemical imbalance in my brain. There just seems to be no end in sight. Sometimes I think of ending it but obviously I can’t with a baby and a family that loves me.

First of all, as trite as it sounds be kind to yourself. You've been through a hell a lot. How old is your baby? Are you getting any support at all? Health visitor? Friends? GP?

I feel like I am living someone else’s life - like I took the wrong path somewhere and ended up in a different dimension

I think that's a common response. I have ptsd and have felt similarly many times. Grieving for the life you envisaged is a normal thing to do after traumatic experiences.

Thank you for your reply. I do have an HV yes who is nice but I don’t find talking to her that useful. I have a couple of good friends and family but again taking to them doesn’t make me feel much better. I also don’t want to worry my family and I feel like I have ‘made my bed and should lie in it’ a bit

The baby is three months old so still very young

I am sorry you have ptsd. It’s very kind of you to post on here even though you clearly have so much to manage yourself

Please don’t rule out medication - you may need it. A 3-month-old baby puts you squarely in the PND risk group and you can’t dismiss the possibility. If you ‘sometimes think of ending it’ then you do need more support, which might just be short-term to help you process things in a safe way. Please do speak to a GP.

I just feel like the only thing that will help is my life changing. I don’t think getting meds or talking to anyone will help with that.

@Newusernamex10000

I just feel like the only thing that will help is my life changing. I don’t think getting meds or talking to anyone will help with that.

But the meds and talk therapy will give you the internal resources to help as your life changes, to help you navigate this circumstance you’re in. Then you’ll be better equipped to navigate out of the situation as things change.

Yes, depression can be circumstantial- it can be triggered by something outside your control. But if you’ve suffered in the past you’re vulnerable to it again, and now you need to keep well for your baby.

Please do talk it through with a GP at least. Medication won’t harm you, and could help.