CBT advice needed

[LtBenson]

I had my first appointment with a CBT counsellor this week. She wanted to know what was going on so I explained I was depressed, anxious, not sleeping, having suicidal thoughts etc. She seemed concerned that I have a plan, even though I was very clear that I wouldn't go through with it because of the kids.
She mentioned inpatient treatment or a psychiatrist which got me worried although she eventually agreed to come back to that later.
What did I say that was that bad? Now I am too scared to talk to her again in case I say the 'wrong' thing.
I really wanted to try the CBT to see if it would make a difference.
Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice? Thanks

Having a plan for suicide does make you at high risk of carrying it out. Your counsellor wants to help you, and if you are actively suicidal then she might need to refer you on for psychiatric treatment in order to help you the most.

Please don’t be scared, you haven’t said anything “wrong” at all - but she can’t just brush off having a suicide plan, because she really doesn’t want you to go through with it and she wants you to get the best and most appropriate help possible. It’s much better not to hide it from her. Please do go back to her, and explain how you felt about her saying that.

Thanks for replying, when you explain it like that I suppose I see why she reacted like that.
I don't really think I am 'actively' suicidal. It's just I like being organised and so when I have had really dark spells I have thought about and researched the best way, for me. I know I would never do it though because it would not be fair on the kids.
I would really like to stop thinking about it tbf, I just have no idea how to do that.
I'll attend the next appointment and discuss it all again.

Keep going with it and don't hold back. It won't work as well if you are trying to hide things.
Remember, they have a duty to cover all bases. If you did go ahead with it after mentioning that it is something that you've thought about then imagine how your counsellor would feel had they not done something.
I have had my first cbt session but it was mainly information gathering. I've not felt suicidal but do have vivid "daydreams" of what would happen if I did this or did that (ie I'm driving the car and wonder/envision what would happen if I swerved into traffic, before suddenly remembering that it's not something I want to happen)
It's very strange and hard to explain and has been on and off for around a decade.
I did find it strange that they asked me what would make me suicidal though. Like its a good plan to make someone with severe anxiety think about their kids dying.