Daydreaming/Fantasy getting out of hand?

[Toffeesprinkles]

This is my first post on mumsnet, I'm hoping this is the right section. I'm not sure where to start... I have 2 children aged 3.5 and 1.5. I'm a sahm. For a while now I've been feeling unhappy with life - worn down by the daily grind of prepping food, changing nappies, dealing with tantrums etc. I love my children very much and it took us a long time to have them (miscarriages, IVF - it was a long road) but sometimes i wonder if i just wasn't meant to be a mum. I don't enjoy it, I'm finding it so so hard. Lockdown has just excaccerbated it because my eldest has been out of preschool since March, is full of tantrums and actually just isnt very nice to be around sometimes.

I have an ongoing fantasy in my head of me being younger and newly dating. I spend a lot of time thinking about what i would wear (because i'd have a lovely figure obviously, not my current one which is awful after 2 children), where we would go, the exciting sex we'd have, meeting parents for the first time, how we would fall in love with each other....and so many other things. It's quite a detailed "other life". I spend a lot of time in this fantasy - when i'm sorting food, while the children are watching tv, when i'm in bed, in the shower. I feel like i'm zoning out of real life and i'm torn between feeling guilty that i'm not "present" and actually preferring the fantasy.

My OH is a good man and i love him but our relationship feels more like we're just parenting together, tag teaming the children to get stuff done. We dont often have sex - i'm hardly ever in the mood. By the time the children settle at 8pm i'm too tired and all too aware that i'll probably be up at 5.30am potentially after a disturbed night. I'd rather go to bed and go into my fantasy world.

So - is this normal or getting out of hand? Has anyone else had this type of ongoing fantasy? How should i deal with it?

I think it might be getting out of hand if it’s increasing how unhappy you feel about your situation.
The only advice I have - what I had wished someone explained to me, or maybe explained better. This is just a phase, absolutely and the team tagging will eventually ease off. Mine are 7 and 4 and I do suddenly find more time - mostly for the long put off housework projects.
I actually wish I had played more with my oldest when she was younger. Yes I was tired and it can be kinda boring but she is reading a lot and wants to spend time with her friends and I really miss time when her focus was actually on me! So I think that overused phrase “cherish this time” is difficult to understand until it’s too late.

I also think as a SAHM, you need something for yourself, not a fantasy but either sport or hobby or learning, that is just for you.

The problem with a fantasy is it can turn into regret of your current situation and that’s a path you want to avoid, because it will make you feel stuck but you’re not it’s just a slower pace at this stage

Thank you DasPepe i think you're right. I think in my heart i know it's getting out of hand and i need to stop and just appreciate what i have. Thank you for your kind words xx

Hello. I fantasise to have what you have ( I’m single )It’s sounds like you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and you are being harsh on yourself .

I think fantasising is normal to an extent and life is hard .I hope you feel better soon . Maybe you could have some counselling or some ‘me ‘ if you are able .

This could be maladaptive daydreaming - there's a thread on here about this. I fantasise to escape my unhappiness too. for you.

Thank you. I've never heard of maladaptive daydreaming - i will look that up now!