Can’t cope with the disappointment of my life

[Help1101]

I’m 30 and despite my best efforts I am a total failure . I am single , unemployed and can’t drive ( despite trying )I also live at home .

I have a degree but have lots of gaps on my cv and only minimum wage jobs . I got bullied in my last job and left . I’m now unemployed again .

Mentally I just feel that I cannot cope . I’m not on any medication, I don’t know if this will help. I just feel I have nothing to live for .

People over the years have treated me so harshly ,despite me being a kind person . I guess I’ve just been a door mat.

It’s seems that nice things are for other people not me , I just can’t see a way forward .

I would really make an appointment to see your GP. There are a variety of medications and it is likely that you can find one to help/suit you. Also ask if you can be referred to counseling.

Im so sorry that you are feeling this way. Have you spoken to your GP about rhia?

Consider if someone else you cared had told you what you have told us about themselves. What would you say to them? Write it down.

Go see your gp. A low dose of meds can turn your life around

You should definitely see your GP. I was always wary of going on medication, seeing the GP but it really helped me personally. It's very hard, life is crap sometimes it really is, but 30 is young. I didn't pass my driving test until I was around 30. It's very hard, I do work and find I feel much better when I'm working and with other people, it's so hard when things are going crap but please don't think it will be like that forever, things can change quickly. 💐

@Palavah

Im so sorry that you are feeling this way. Have you spoken to your GP about rhia?

Consider if someone else you cared had told you what you have told us about themselves. What would you say to them? Write it down.

That's a good point, I try and think that too, when I'm giving myself a hard time or (in my case) catastrophising situations. What would I tell someone if they were saying this?

You need to see your GP for support. I started medication 5 years ago and it has helped alot but also gaining some understanding and a diagnosis is helpful. I also feel the same amount of disappointment with my life. I could of done so much more and been so much more but I decided to take care of what I have.

I have bulimia that went untreated for years, every few years something would trigger an episode and my life would implode into unemployment and depression I would get better and then the cycle would start again.

You need to get in front of it and change what you can control and let go of what you can't.

OP you have to start somewhere. Even somewhere small, go to your GP and be honest. You will feel better for taking a step towards doing something about it.

OP you are worth so much more than the circumstances you’re currently in - please don’t measure yourself by your relationship or job status, or compare yourself to other people your age, although I know how much these things can be a knock to your self esteem. Definitely go and chat to your GP and confide in family or friends about how you’re feeling, if you feel able to. There is help out there for how you’re feeling. I’d suggest you also try to build up your self esteem - little things like setting small goals to achieve can be a big boost. When I had a particularly low period I took up running and set myself the goal of getting to 5k, then eventually a 10k race. It doesn’t have to be that, but telling myself I was going to do something, working towards it and achieving it really helped prove to myself I was capable to achieving anything. I’m not going to be one of those people who preaches exercise as a magic cure-all, although it certainly has benefits, because I know how hard it can be to even get out of the door when you feel like that. So definitely visit the GP in the first instance. Wishing you well and please know that things can always get better x

Defo GP and meds. Changed my life. Felt my brain wasn’t quite connecting prior and they made me feel calmer and I could think better and sleep better. Didn’t cry multiple times a day any more. Felt like a different woman.

Followed by counselling. Again changed my life. Saw things I hadn’t realised were right in front of my nose. Became stronger. Stood up for myself more and left the door mat stage I’d been at behind. Getting older helped too as I got more confidence.

As for driving lessons, it took me years and probably a hundred lessons to pass. I’m just a slow learner at some things. You’ll get a job in due course and be able to afford lessons again. Doing two a week helped me retain the knowledge. One a week was so far away I’d barely remembered what I’d learned the previous week when it was over for this week!

Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll get there. Phone the GP tomorrow.

I felt the same in my 20s and 3Os. I Didnt meet my future husband til I was 35. I made the conscious effort to do something about it so did online dating. Stayed with my mum til I was 36. Got married at 38 and had baby at 40. Didnt pass my driving test til I was 43 after 6 attempts as I really needed to in order to take daughter places and nkt have my husband do it all the time. So it sounds like life is perfect now. Sadly not. I really want a divorce. Do I want to become a single mum on benefits or be unhappy but financially secure? Moral is, try not to envy others; have gratitude for the things you do have; and take some practical steps to change the things you are not happy with.

Hi Help1101,

I feel really similarly to you but I'm two years older! I've also unfortunately got a partially completed degree (got A grades at a top 20 uni but was ill throughout the course so left yr3 despite this) and no real work experience, I can't drive either and I'm back living with my parents despite time away in my 20s- it's all a bit crap!

I've also lost friends as I've felt increasingly embarrassed about not achieving enough in my life so have dropped contact and I think being socially isolated just makes the situation worse.

Going to the GP is probably a good place to start but you might actually find therapy more helpful than meds if the main problem is situational.