Unsafe at home because of abusive father, but worried I'll miss my mother when I move out?

[LunaRabbit]

I'm not sure if this is the right category to post this, but I grew up in a family where I was abused psychologically and spiritually. My father did most of the abusing while my mother was generally passive, and we generally had a positive relationship, even if she failed in a lot of ways.

I'm 20 now and becoming more and more independent. I used to return home for breaks, but now I really don't. After I graduate from college, I'll probably get my own place. It is unsafe for me to live in my parents' house or even visit for more than a week or two at a time.

How can I cope emotionally with the idea I'll never live with my mother again, and what if I never see her at all again? It's harder because I also don't really have much of a friend circle, and I'm not close with any of my extended family because my whole family is dysfunctional, so I don't really have people to emotionally rely on.

My relationship with my mother was definitely hurt by the fact that she wouldn’t leave my abusive father. I grew up and got out and built a life for myself that insured I never had to be dependent upon him. I offered to help her get out over the years, but she declined every time. I still managed to visit her. He could behave for short periods of time, especially once he realized that the second he acted up I walked out the door. I never lived nearby so I would stay at hotels when I visited. They never babysat my dd and he was never around her without supervision.

It’s hard. You are going to have to stand up to this man, but also bite your tongue. You to our and build yourself an awesome life.

You only need to foster a few real friendships. Friends can be like family after a few years. With mum try and develop routines of contact. FaceTiming every Wednesday and Sunday maybe. Have good contact at a distance