I cant cope any more

[Hopelesslydevoted0]

I dont even know why I'm posting this. I feel helpless and like I cant cope any more. I have a 3 year old and she is suspected ASD, she takes up literally 100% of my time i don't even get to eat or she gets in her nappy or climbs something and falls off. I have to have my eyes on her all the time. I love her so deeply I cant explain how guilty it makes me feel that I'm not coping. I just want to take a shower or read a book, anything. My other daughter is 12 and she has been really full on recently inviting friends round to my house but then holding them at the door to come in and ask if they can come in/stay for dinner/come on family days out etc. I feel so guilty again when I have to say no. I cant cope with my life as is never mind having to go without dinner because my daughters friend is in and I didnt cook enough food for an extra person. I have no support, my family are mostly estranged and the ones I do have left don't care. My partner works long hours and our relationship is rubbish to be honest, he only shows me love when im happy and he doesn't do much around the house. I clean all day long most days and chase around my 3 year old picking up after her or stopping her hurting herself. I dont do anything else. I cant even have a job because no one would be there to take her. I was studying when I fell pregnant with her and had to drop out, I wish i could have stayed and got my degree so that at least the future might hold a job for me. I dont know what I'm hoping to get out of this post, venting I suppose. Thank you if you read this far.

So sorry op life seems so hard for you at the moment.
I feel in a similar situation with my toddler although she's not ASD she is hard work.

I find the only way to keep the house from being turned completely upside down is to take her out and let her run around even if it's just a field and a ball.
Would your dp look after her for a morning/afternoon while you had some you time on his day off?
I think you need this, I know after a long week I need that time to miss them and recharge.

Is she at nursery? this is a lifesaver for me, I have 3 hours a day to cook/clean and shower and rest while she's at nursery.

I imagine it will get easier the 2/3 stage is hard for them too as they try and make sense of their emotions and demand what they need the only way they know how but it does get easier and I know it sounds impossible right now but the calmer and happier you can be the more she will cooperate and be happy too.

Would working in the evenings give you a break and some adult company? dp could have her when he gets home? just so you feel like you again or a course towards your education goals.?
I know it's hard but we all come out the other end but you're not just a mum your a woman and dd has 2 parents so you need to make sure your getting a break and he's helping out too for your sanity.

Also I'm sure if you wanted to go back to work childcare wouldn't be an issue many nursery's take children with additional needs or a childminder she will be cared for so don't think you don't have options.

Lastly could you be a bit depressed? I know you have a lot on your plate and say dp only shows you love when you're happy? That in itself is upsetting and needs to be addressed he should be loving and supporting you through all of this not leaving you to it all.
If you are unhappy you could benefit from calling the dr or hv for a chat, that's what they're there for and you sound at the end of your tether.

Speak to a health visitor or your GP and tell them about your daughter's behaviour and how it is making you feel. If you are at breaking point it will help them understand just how much hard work DD is. They can signpost you to support groups and might suggest counselling. Secondly, insist that DP gives you a break and steps up regularly to look after DD for half a day every week or even just for two hours but regularly so you know you will have some time to recharge your batteries. It's for your own wellbeing, and will be to everyone's benefit in the long term. Sending hugs