I want to SCREEEAAAAAM!!!

[tasja]

I't feels like I don't exist, I don't have a life!
Everyday is the same. I'm at home with DD(16months). I play with her, listen to songs, read. I tidy the house, make food, wash and iron. Dont go out because don't drive. No friends visit me, I can't go to friends.
Weekends DH is so tired of work, we just sit around at the house. don't do much. My weekends is the same as the week. If DH says it's weekend I'm like "oh, weekend?"
Sometimes we go out to friends.
I'm waiting for a job that I applied for to come through. then life will be better. we can think about DC2 that I so much want.
sometimes I wish something can just happen to me, who will miss me?

Many people feel like that you do. I was at the height of postnatal depression when DS was 16 months.

However, he's 6 in 2 weeks and I desperately miss that time when he was a toddler.

Doesn't help much, but I just wanted to empathise. perhaps consider joining a few local mother/parent and toddler groups - might help

Oh hun life can be so dull and repetetive when your on your own all day. I'm pretty bored at home these days there's just no job satisfaction in putting on another load of washing is there?

Can you try and get a little break away all of you. Just for a change of scenery?

I think you might be able to meet a mum on mumsnet, if I'm not mistaken.

Where do you live?

Oatcake - parent and toddler group to far to walk to.
CT- we are going to visit parents/PIL in SA in 7 1/2 weeks for 5 weeks. I'm counting the days!
but when we get back it will all be the same.

live in West Hunsbury Northampton

can you afford a little second hand run around car?

I was lucky in that I could walk to the town. I remember the new large sainsburys opened when ds was 2 months, oh, and it was so exciting to go there everyday.

I clearly remember those days... One of the reasons why I'm sticking with one child...

Don't have the money for another car. Don't even have money to go and do fun stuff over weekend.

AAAA, just got a letter from St Andrews, I got an interview on the 17th of October. Pleaseeee let this be my break!!!!

Good luck!

Which reminds me, I need to go and read my guardian for jobs whilst I have a coffee now...!

Well done.

im in northampton but agrophobic. dont go out but get stressed of staying in. im on ad's now as dp left me. sometimes i just say it im off out , thing is i spend too much money lol end up shopping

weather doesnt help tbh bit grey hey ??

o btw friend works at st andrews , what will you be doing??

healthcare assistant. Don't know exactly what I'm going to do. My friend that worked there said you just look after the patients. Help them get out of bed, get dressed. help them to eat. Depending on where you work that day, you can take them shopping or to see a movie.

Hi Tasja, I felt like that alot with DS and i'm now expecting number 2. I work at our local hospital helping on a mental health ward (ironic I know) a few hours 4 days a week and it's a really sanity saver for me. Are there any buses local to you or churchs that run toddler groups? Could you invite other mums to your house?

Hi tasja

That's fab you've got a light at the end of the tunnel. Really wish you well in your interview.

I don't want to be a downer and I know you're here chatting to mn right now, which is a brill move to take, but I don't like to think of you not being able to see or talk to anyone about all this. Is there anyone else you know you can chat to about how you're really feeling? - DH? Family? Friends? HV?

Tell me if I'm completely off track but you were saying you wished something can just happen to you and I'm not sure what you mean by this. Were you having thoughts about being dead, or killing yourself? Sorry to be so direct but if you were, these can be really scary and dangerous feelings to be having, especially if your feeling alone. But it's good to acknowledge them.

I guess I just wanted to say there are people around who know what it can be like, and may be able to help, especially if these feelings come back. Take care & best of luck with the job x

Hi webdiva, you are on the spot, that is how I feel! Can't talk to DH, he has enough stress with working all day and providing for us and about money, let alone me! I don't want to put extra pressure on him.
Don't really have friends here that I would be so open to.

You poor thing for feeling that way, thanks for posting back but listen I am at work now but thought I'd check in as was worried I'd scared you off!! Do please try to find someone you can talk to about this, what about your health visitor or GP? I have to go now but promise to check in later, hope you've had a better day x

aww hun iso know what you mean, i was on the verge of meltdown a couple of months ago.dont get me wrong i love spending time with my dc but after spending 5 years at home bringing 2 children up i needed to do something for myself.....i am now in full time college and dp is much more helpful as he appreciates that i am learning to benefit the family and it is hard work having to be a student all day then come home and be the usual skivvy, he still doesnt get the kids ready for bed though

Tas I'm just leaving work now but want to say that if you are still having these feelings I totally understand how hard it can be. you're telling us you have got a few things to look forward to but I'm hearing that you can feel a bit stuck with these dark thoughts too. There's a need to try and find a way to look after the part of you that wants to live through this.

I am concerned about how much you might be thinking this way - I'm sure it would help to talk to someone about it you know will listen- your gp, the samaritans do you think you can do this?

If it helps to talk on line I will be back later tonight x

Hi Webdiva
Feeling a bit better. Went for a long walk yesterday, on my way now again. Just to come out of the house! Makes you feel better. In my interview that I got on the 17th, makes life ok again. Just hope and pray that I get it and that my Holiday isn't the reason that I wouldn't get the job.
I'd much rather talk to someone on the web than go to GP of hv.
thank you for caring
will check in later.

Hi Tas glad you've come back on.
You're not alone hun and it's good you're aware of the sort of things that help you through. All I'd say is if you do get to feeling really low again, at a time when there's not many peeps around on the net that feel they can help, the samaritans are GREAT!

They're completely unjudgemental so they could be someone else to talk to that's totally unrelated to what's going on. It also sometimes helps to actually talk, rather than type, but again, you'll know what works for you I hope.

Their website may also be helpful - www.samaritans.org sorry don't know how to do a link and there number is 08457 90 90 90 to talk.

This sunshine definately helps doesn't it?

hi webdiva
I'll check out the website you gave me. Thank you.
Yes the sunshine helps alot. I also got a parttime job about an hour ago. not really a job but something to do. Delivering papers on a Thursday. about 100houses. Just to make myself feel worthwile.

thats fab tas I'm so glad. have wrggley ds on knee so cant type well but hope things carry on picking up x