I'm really struggling :(

[Cookiepops40]

I've always been quite a resilient person and been a glass half full type person but I have really struggled the last few months.

My work were all sent to work from home in mid March. I used to work from home with my previous job and so was looking forward to it because I missed being at home with my dogs. But in the last few months have seen a few of the managers I work for leave, not yet been replaced and I am working harder than I ever have. I know I should be grateful I have a job but I am absolutely mentally exhausted. They did an assessment of my workload last year and it was 6 people's worth! They did get me 1 person who started during the lockdown but it has its limits and they are working as hard as they can but I don't really feel like its taken any burden away from me. But thats because there has been so much change at my work. Then due to covid, I cant really do anything to de-stress (normally I would have a holiday). I've had a few days off but come back to so much crap, its just not worth it and so I just sit at home and fret about the work I have to come back to. Ive put on loads of weight, my skin is awful and Im peri menopausal so now have terrible bouts of anxiety where I wake up in the middle of night thinking I've sent an email I shouldn't have and then have to log into my laptop to check. My husband goes off to fitness club where he is surrounded by fit, healthy women and I feel like we are drifting apart. Im waking up with a sore jaw, my teeth are really worn down to the point where I can't eat crunchy food any more and Ive actually cut into my palms with my nails in my sleep because my hands have been so clenched. Im watching all the people and friends on facebook on their holidays or have had some furlough time and spending time with their families and I just feel like Ive been locked in my box room working, eating dinner then going to work again. I've got no quality of life and feel like Im shutting down. I just don't know what to do, Im not sleeping in this weather either and have been in tears several times today

I’m really sorry you’re struggling so much. This really is the downside of working from home as there’s little space to switch off from it. Things are so difficult everywhere that employers are squeezing everything out of the staff that are still working.

It sounds like you are seriously stressed which is now effecting you physically. Things won’t get better unless you tackle the problem. Are you able to talk over how you’re feeling with anyone? Can you explain to your manager how you’re feeling? Do you have a union where you work that you could contact?
You could also talk things over with your doctor? It’s good to be able to have your problems heard and he/she may be able help you with your skin and the peri menopause.
To help switch off have you ever tried meditation or yoga? There are apps available to follow guided meditations to help you switch off. It isn’t easy at first but worth persisting. Don’t just wait for things to improve because this could be misconstrued as you being able to cope.

You sound like you are near a breakdown from absolute burnout.

You're grinding your teeth so hard you are eating mushy food! (you can get a nightguard from the drug store to hold you over til the dentist, if you didn't already know)

I don't know what your employer is like or how much you need the money? I know a lot of professionals are under great strain not knowing if they they will be fired, or having their salary reduced. Can you get signed off on stress leave for a period of time?

Fucking covid has put an awful strain on a lot of people without making them sick.

Thank you both. I don't actually have a manager at the moment, thats half the problem. Someone has picked up the work stuff (not people) but he's doing that on top of his other job so he's under immense strain too. Everyone is under the same pressure at work and I don't feel like I can speak up. I will speak to my GP though. I know I am responsible for my own health and wellbeing and should be doing more to help myself but I feel like I've gone beyond that point where I just don't seem to care about myself and can't seem to get out of it and pull myself together

Don't be so hard on yourself! You shouldn't be asked to do so much in work, it's not your fault. But you do need to see your GP and get on top of these stress symptoms before they really harm your ability to function. I think getting workloads and reduced is key but I understand that seems impossible. What will they do though when you have to take a few months off for mental health recovery?

I suspect from what you have written you are employed in which case your employer has a duty of care to you. Yes you are responsible for you but they shouldn’t be putting you under the pressure you’re under. It will most likely end with you having a break down or developing some other serious stress related symptom. I recently listened to the Get Britain Talking podcast with Tom Bradby where he developed severe insomnia to the point he couldn’t function. If you can it’s worth a listen.

All the time you’re working as you are your employer is paying 1 person for 6 people’s work and that isn’t right. Try to speak to who ever you need to explain you can’t carry on like you are and how ill it’s making you. If they have any integrity they’ll support you to change things.
When you see your GP please be honest about all of it, how you’re feeling, coping etc and hopefully they’ll give you the support you need. Please don’t suffer any longer xx

This was me 12 years ago, I was that anxious I couldn’t eat lost lot of weight
(You either eat too much, or can’t eat with anxiety)
I’ve always suffered anxiety symptoms, but this was beyond !
I was dry heaving at the thought of going in work, I’d literally sit there for the hours I’d work and hardly move(unless I had too, loo)
I case someone kept me talking whilst standing/walking back from somewhere
I’d hold myself so tense trying in my way to control the anxiety to the point I thought I’d pass out.
I went off sick, eventually left with bad depression:anxiety had to go on Esa benefit
WS a single parent to ds.

I’m now 62, still can’t work what I didn’t realise then it was the start of menopause, it crippled me

thank you all. I have spoken to a manager who is very understanding and been doing stress impact analysis with his team so I have asked for one too. I also have a doctors appointment next week.

Well done!