avoidant personality disorder

[Emotionalmb32020]

Hello all how do you get diagnosed with this? I've started Psychotherapy and intend to bring it up tomorrow as I'm really struggling. I like to avoid well basically everything I don't like being near people I fear they judge me don't like me I have the lowest self esteem I don't like who I am I think about what is "wrong with me" like everyday.
I feel I'm failing so bad at being a mum I've basically turned into my mother I'm unable to sit and play imaginative play is to difficult for me I don't like being huggie with my own children as it's too much for me. I grew up in a domestic violence household and would have what i now know are panic attack as a child listening to the fights
I feel like I'm trapped in this like how I am and the life I want is out of reach or I don't hold the key to unlock it. I want is so badly but i just feel stunted unable lost in the past and it's ruining my future. Sorry for the ramble

I'm so sorry you are struggling so much right now. Just a couple of things that I want to say that might sound far fetched but just bear with me:
The life you want is not out of reach, you are currently looking right into the eye of your own storm so it is going to feel like that but you in therapy, you are facing it, you are already within reach. Just keep going, one day at a time. And try and be so compassionate and forgiving with yourself, as this stuff comes up. This is the hardest work you will ever do in your life, to try and look at yourself.
Also, you 100% hold the key. We all do. It can just take some serious, sober, life evaluation to find it. You deserve to find it. Just keep going to therapy and lean into the work you do there. You can do this. You are not your mum. You have survived a traumatic childhood and you are a person in your own right. I wish you the best of luck. Stay with it.

If it’s a firm diagnosis that you’re after the psychotherapist should point you in the right direction. But I would think GP>Psychiatrist>Mental Health Services for a treatment plan would be the route. DBT / group therapies can be hugely beneficial for personality disorder. But be warned that DBT is rarely available via NHS at all. Have you considered contacting a charity such as Mind to find any local support groups? Obviously if you have insurance or funds for private then the speed and options open to you will be a lot greater. Are you suicidal OP?