I flipped my lid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[flippedmylid]

Hello, I'm newish to MN and have changed my name because i'm enbarrassed and upset about how i feel. Twice this week i have lost control of my emotions and flipped my lid. It feels like there is a lid on top of my head. When things become too difficult the lid opens and whooooosh out comes a whole bundle of anger and frustration. It is tied up with the past and the present.

Today i took the kids to Tescos on the bus (no car) and back which was fine. I was really pleased to have found some gorgeous curtains really cheap in a charity shop so i was feeling . Got back and put DD aged 5months in cot for nap - she screamed and screamed. Gave up and put her in sling. Asked DS to have nap - which he desperately needs - even though he is 3. He refused - then started charging around in his overtired state and woke up DD. Then he started screaming and crying. I put DD in cot (she screamed) so i could concentrate on DS who screamed and cried whilst on my lap. Everytime i tried to sing and calm him - he cried some more -when i shouted etc he laughed at me.

Felt powerless and strangely humiliated. Then i had a mental five minutes of crying and Flipping my lid! Calmed down put DD in sling again and retreated to lounge.

Half an hour later DS sobbed and screamed cos i told him he may not post coloured pencils into the gas fire!!!

The trouble is when "I flip my lid" i feel out of control and have a feeling of wanting to hurt them. Never actually slapped them - But recently i have pushed DS with my hand or foot a little to hard - somehow when he is crying (instead of giggling in overtired way) it makes me feel better IYSWIM. not proud of myself though

The incindent on Tuesday this week was much much worse - HELP

FML - I think the important thing here is that you realise you are near the edge, and good on you for posting here for some advice. I know from experience just how you feel, as I'm sure a lot of MN's here will, and I think the key to it is to find something either to distract the littlies when they are fractious, or to distract you so you don't feel like exploding.

When they are like that, it works for me if I stick the telly/video on, often the bigger littlies will go off to sleep whilst watching the tv, put smallest littlie somewhere safe e.g. playpen, cot etc with some music on or in the room with the t.v. and just have a break in another room - even if it's just for 5 mins to compose yourself.
I know it's easy to beat yourself up about this, but don't. You are normal, and nobody's perfect.

Misty I couldn't have put it better myself. You need a "time out" for yourself! As long as you know they are safe you can go out in the back garden or just open the front door and take some deep breaths and regain control. Believe me you are not alone and don't feel too bad about yourself.

You sound so stressed fml, you need a bit of "me-time". I think we've all felt a little bit like this at one time or another, what I used to do was make sure my daughter was somewhere safe then go out in the garden and have a rant, a shout or even a scream just to take the edge of my feeling out of control.

I really think feeling this way is quite normal under the circumstances but if you are concerned that your anger or your temper is getting out of control, have a word with your health visitor and see what they can suggest. Try and get a bit of time to yourself, just a bit of breathing space - try and get someone to take the kids for you for a couple of hours while you go window-shopping, have a bath or do something relaxing. If you haven't got anyone who can help then you could try calling Home Start, they are fabulous for helping parents under stress and will give you a breather.

Hope you feel better soon.

Agree with others, don't be too hard on yourself over this, and give yourself some space - 10 mins with a coffee and a magazine in another room whilst the sanity saver cbeebies or a video is on.

Be kind to yourself

Thankyou for your kind words. The trouble with me time is we live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat. The bedrooms are nextdoor to the lounge. No garden. The kitchen is smaller than the average bathroom. DS gets overtired really easily - and manic. ATM he wakes frequently at night (despite sleeping well in a cot - he wakes alot in his bed) and then wont nap during the day. When he is overtired he will run backwards and forwards between the walls for maybe 30 mins, distractions dont really stop him. He collapses in a heap when he has no energy left and then often starts again. The thundering footsteps are maddening. no where really to escape to.

I wouldnt dream of discussing this matter with my HV

The incident on tues was caused by a row with my parents - I did a war dance and then screamed into a pillow. Took me 15 mins before i felt like my marbles were returning.

I am having difficulties trying to deal with the abuse i suffered as a child and teen. Desperate for history not to repeat itself.

You are normal!
I agree with the others.
Obviously you are harder on yourself for reasons in your past.But believe us when we say YOU ARE NORMAL!

I suggested your HV as they can provide a really good shoulder to cry on, someone to rant at, and are (or should be) totally non-judgemental. I had fortnightly visits from mine when I was under pressure and she was great. Each is different though and don't feel you have to do anything you don't want to.

I would really recommend Home Start though, just for some breathing space.

Can you get your son out for some fresh air - to a park, for a walk or anything, somewhere that's a cvhange of scenery for him and where his running around won't upset you so much?

I have been very similar with my children lots of times.
It seems much worse if u r tierd, run down or stressed in life generally.
I think most Mums must have moments like this as we are all human & can't always be as calm as they reccomend on "Little Angels"
I always feel like the worlds worst mother, when I lose it & end up feeling really guilty & in tears.
Speak 2 your HV, if u feel that things r getting on top of you & don't feel like u r the only one who gets like this, as I can assure u you r not!

Can I add that when I am a ratbag and yell at my children I try to sit down with them later when all is calm and try to explain in simple terms along the lines of mummy is moody today and I'm sorry I shouted. We all lose it but I think everyone feels better for clearing it up with hugs and maybe apologies. My DD is 5 so maybe understands apologies better but just a thought. I realise your baby won't understand but she won't have been affected so much by your ranting either!!

This helps me with my guilty feelings for being such a "bad mother" too!!

FML, actually screaming into a pillow is a really good technique used by therapists. Thump it! Imagine it is the person who hurt you in the past and give it hell. Then you get all those angry feelings out without hurting anyone.
See, you are a much cleverer person than you realised, aren't you?

I do always sit down with DS afterwards and explain why Mummy went nuts. The trouble is sometimes i feel so tempted to really really hurt him. I really do. I guess i need some really good ways of getting rid of my angst without hurting him cos obviously thats not good. He does sometimes understand that he has pushed me beyond the limit IYSWIM but generally he doesnt.

I have tried Homestart before - twice - both times they fixed me up with people i just couldnt bond with IYSWIM so didnt get beyond the initial meeting

Unfortunately my HV is the sort who tends to overreact and misunderstand. She is not someone you could talk to.

Thanks Edam - I realised as i was doing it that pillows are reccomended IYSWIM. I felt really silly though. I got very upset over something my mum did and went berserk, felt like i was having a temper tantrum. It was quite scary