Anxious and unemployed

[BramblesAway]

I'd firstly like to apologise for complaining as I know so many people are going through a bad time at the moment. I just hoped someone might have some words of wisdom for me.

I've got myself into what feels like a giant rut. During my 4 year University post grad course I developed depression (somewhat helped by GP/counselling). Anyway, unsurprisingly when I finally finished my course I had a giant breakdown, my worst to date, consisting of 8/9 months of severe housebound depression and anxiety. I stopped seeing my friends, didn't want to get off the sofa, and pretty much decided that I was done with life. I managed to find some fight again and applied for a job that I thought sounded OK, I was offered an interview but it was postponed (and still is) as it was due to occur days before lockdown started.

I'm stuck in a black miserable hole, that I don't know how to get out of. I'm mid/late 20's and some of my friends have gotten married, started families, picked their dream careers. Where as I am completely and utterly stuck. I don't know what I want from life, and I can't even figure out what job to do as nothing really appeals and I just feel flat and unbothered. Nothing makes sense right now, and having been out of work for just over a year my already rock bottom confidence is totally trashed. Even if I did figure out what I want to do, I'm not sure I could even hack it now.

Sorry for ranting, I guess I just wanted to hear from anyone who might have been in a similar situation and managed to come back from it. I feel so lost.....

Restrictions caused by the pandemic on top of depression and anxiety is a lot to be dealing with (me too but at a different stage of life). It’s partly just awful timing, @BramblesAway... ifnot for Covid you could be coping well in your new job by now, so be careful not to be hard on yourself. You’ve shown huge reliance in successfully completing your course and in getting yourself back to the point of being able to apply for jobs again.

If you haven’t already got it, I’d strongly recommend the careers book What Colour is your Parachute. It’s a self-help ‘what do you want to do with your life’ book as well as careers coaching. It’s updated every year:
www.amazon.co.uk/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2020/dp/1984856561?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

• resilience

Thanks for your kind words @SparklingLime . I've never really seen it from that perspective in that I might actually have some resilience, as I spend most of the assuming that I don't seen as I'm like this in the first place.

I'm sorry that you're also having a bad time, I hope things pick up for you soon

i think i could potentially offer some comment as i'm in a sort of similar position now... have been unemployed since February, had a few interviews for jobs that i've been sort of enthusiastic about, but unfortunately none have been successful... also have had a few postponed and/or cancelled because of COVID which hasn't helped. my job selections have been quite narrow though as i'm also in academia and am looking for quite specific roles (don't know if you're in a simlar position), but have a similar feelign to you in that i find it quite hard to get genuinely excited about something (the flat and rock bottom comment resonates)... athough i've not ever formerly suffered from depression, i have definitely had periods of feeling unbearably low, and can feel this period of not having a job (although i have been freelancing) making me feel a bit worthless, so much so that the only thing that i really want to do is just go to bed (like even the idea of eating makes me completely miserable). all i can say is that being unemployed and depressed is such a horrid combination to be in... the only recommendations i can give is to be truly safe in the knowledge that this period will pass (no matter how painful it is in the process), and to let yourself have periods where you completely 'switch off' (like don't even look for jobs) and focus your attention elsewhere on other interests just to reset energy levels. all i can say is trying to do everything all at once (like trying to figure out all your life's decisions) is pretty tough to do... would try adn focus on one thing, and then the pieces shoudl fall into place in time

Hey @crambosk , we sound similar. I'm after a job in academia (I think- depression makes me doubt everything), and ideally I want to be in a certain geographical region to be near my family/support network, so it limits me to a few Universities. Then there's finding a research project that fits my previous experience. Universities have been hit really hard by the pandemic, and some are only just starting to advertise limited jobs, so I totally understand.

I'm sorry you have also felt low. I can relate to feeling worthless, I keep panicking that I have lost my skill set, though I hope it's just anxiety talking. You are right that I am almost trying to run before I can walk, I have this feeling of if I can sort and plan my life out now I can get back to being happy, although its illogical....desperation I guess

@bramblesaway where abouts are you based and what field are you in, eg, biomedical/humanities/social sciences/physical sciences & engineering? there are government jobs and some in industry which require people to have a phd and would utilise your skillset... might be worth looking into until more tradtional academic research posts come up and recruitment is stable again. there was a period of a few months where advertisment for academic research posts had pretty much stopped, even for london universities, so i can imagine it's been tough to find something suitable...

@crambosk Biomed/Molecular Biology in the North East. I've taken another whack today, sent another enquiry email about the job I was after and it's no longer happening. Fabulous

Hello
I feel the same as you, except I’m 30. Feeling really low at the moment . Anyway , back to you . A 4 year post grad , wow that’s great!

I can’t offer much advice but the only thing I can say is this will pass . Even for myself the bad times end . This covid business is a lot for everyone at the moment.

Wish you luck and if you need a chat feel free to pm !

I’m guessing from the 4 year postgrad that you’ve completed your PhD? If so I can relate in the sense that I finished mine and then didn’t get my dream job and my already wobbly mental health plummeted! I was unwell for about 5 months and off work for 3 months. So well done for pulling yourself out of the hole, it’s so hard to even get to thinking about the future so it’s great that you are.
I’m an old bird who did a PHD as a mature student, so I’m tied geographically by family and have moved into research for a charity. A move I never expected as I’d built my whole career plan around academia, I’m married to an academic. It’s so hard to see alternatives even if they might be healthier. Anyway, you aren’t alone. Hang in there and DM me if you want to vent about it!

Hey @Help1101 , sorry that you also feel crap, sometimes it helps to know that at least we're not alone in these situations. I wish you all the best!

@KarrieKay , Yes I did manage to complete my PhD. Funny enough it actually ended quite well. I enjoyed the writing stage (which is quite rare apparently), and my Viva went well. I wasn't expecting to end up like this as I thought I was through the worst of it mentally. How wrong I was !

I can totally relate to the wobbly mental health and dream job. I think because my PhD was so bad for my mental health, I told myself to hold tight because it would be worth it and I could get my dream job in the end. Now that it hasn't transpired it's devastating, and I just see more slog in the future. My post PhD self just wants an easy ride for a while!

I also definitely have blinkers on in terms of alternative employment. I know it's out there, but I almost feel a bit paralysed on how to find it. Leaving academia is so much harder than it sounds to someone who hasn't experienced it, as it's leaving a way of life! It's strange.....

Thank you for sharing your story as it gives me hope that I can figure this out.

Can I ask how you are supporting yourself? Money worries have a huge impact on MH in my experience. If you had a comfortable income from any job, I'd hazard a guess that you would feel more secure, productive and confident. I saw a couple of jobs for technical writers in the pharma sector today. Perhaps you could find freelance or contract writing work in your field. Or tutoring O and A level students remotely. Just until you get the job you really want.

Hey @DianaT1969 , burning through my savings unfortunately.

Your suggestions are very sensible and logical. The sad thing is I read your post and instantly thought I can't do either.

This is the rut that I've gotten myself into. There's a small part of me that still believes in myself and is ambitious, wants the dream job etc. The other 99% of me has absolutely no self esteem/confidence and feels utterly useless and inadequate.