I have three children under 5, one is SEN. My child with additional needs requires speech and language and occupational health therapies. My husband works full time and I am a SAHM. I’d rather work but because we have three preschoolers and SEN daughter we decided it was better for me at home until 1/2 are at school.
Before Lockdown it was hard work and there were pinch points, husband was out the house 12 hours a day, however, I had a bit of help from my mum, regular contact with friends and playgroups, did lots of play dates and had other help with childcare as two children went to nursery. I was happy.
I am now exhausted, stressed and miserable. Over lockdown I have been running around 50 minutes 3 or 4 times
a week. Other than that I have been with my 3 children the whole time.
I feel like I’m getting ill with stress. All I do all day is clean, tidy, make meals and clear away, and always with three children round me. The two smaller ones both have v. Limited language so lots of screaming at me because they can’t really talk. The one with delays is potty training and hasn’t got poos yet, so I’m regularly clearing up accidents. The older one is always on at me to play this or that, he is lovely but it’s exhausting. I feel endless guilt that I’m not doing enough therapies with the middle child. I feel endless guilt that I’m not playing with the other two. I’ve been seeing a therapist for 4 months and I think it it wasn’t for lockdown I’d be feeling better. However I’m totally isolated and my temper is getting shorter and shorter. I was just reading the children a bedtime story and they started fighting over a dog and I grabbed it from them, threw it on the floor and it knocked the light and they all went silent. I put them to bed and now I’m here just wondering who on earth I am.
Every nice thing I try and do at home, the little ones ruin. My middle daughter has sensory processing disorder and just takes the house apart, you can’t take your eyes of her for a minute. The youngest is a quite advanced two year old and will climb up anything. I’ve found her crawling round on the surface by the kettle.
I just feel like I can’t do it anymore. All this talk of increased R rate, if the schools don’t open I don’t know how I’ll cope.
I feel like my stress is quite clearly Covid related, but would anti depressants help this because I feel like I’m going to have a nervous break down whatever that is.