2020 - The worst year of my life.
In December 2019 I lost my job. I have been unemployed ever since.
I have 29 years quality work experience in Finance and yet to date I must of nearly had 80 job interviews and not one job offer.
In January this year my sister died at the age of 50 by cervical cancer.
I am the eldest of three and with my brother having emigrated to New Zealand in 2010 I am the sibling who has been left to looking after my darling mother who is 79 in November.
I am married, 26 years in October and sadly we were unable to have children.
Also when I was 20 my father died at the age of 48.
On top of all that I have had a gambling addiction since the age of 14 and have lost £000's through my betting.
Can life get any worse ? Everyday I experience negative thoughts and quite often I am fighting against suicidal thoughts.
I need employment for my mental health and yet it seems impossible to find anything.
Losing my sister has been devastating, why my father @ 48 and my sister 50. I never knew my dad's mother but she died at the age of 48.
If I fell asleep forever tomorrow I would say thank god for that, I do think the belief of a God is the biggest scandal ever created, believing in scriptures written over 2.000 years ago and where would everyone go if their was such a place, complete rubbish to me.
As you can tell I am become an extremely negative person who is in the lowest mood I have ever experienced in my life.
Can anyone out there over some positive guidance.
Many Thanks